"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." - Socrates

Strange how things evolve. Take me for example. Eight years ago I didnt have a care in life. My biggest concern was where the next keg party was. As I reflected on my life, I thought I had everything well in hand. If asked whether or not I was smart/experienced/mature I would most certainly have answered with 'yes'. Not cocky, nor elitist, just confident.

Its funny how you look back at how you felt just a few short years ago. Remember how you "knew what was going on"...and now you think "what an idiot I was then. Oh how little I knew!" You feel confident about what you know now, yet inevitably in five years you will look back on this very moment with awe at what a schmuck you were (are)...Strange.

When I met my wife things changed for me. Now, everything I did not only impacted me, it also impacted her. I also felt an obligation to her family, to show them that I was taking care of her and looking out for us. I slowed down a little. Stopped taking huge risks. Things had evolved. Then, my daughter was born...Whoa.

Now I stare down every intersection before pulling out on a green light. I glare at fast "out of control" drivers. I worry about healthy foods. I exercise and take care of myself just that much more. When the stock market tanks, I get depressed. I read the safety instructions on the package (this would seriously amuse the me of eight years ago). Things have evolved.

The other day we were snowmobiling, and I approached a mound of snow. Even just a couple of years ago I would have goosed the throttle and hit that thing square at about 50 mph without much regard to what was on the other side, screaming for joy the whole way down. This time I slowed down, checked behind me, put my left arm out to signal a turn, and went around. All the while thinking to myself how I need to stay safe for my wife and daughter.

I get these funny 'Daymares' (they would be nightmares, but they happen during the day). I wave goodbye to my wife as she pulls out with the baby in the car, then WHAM! They get hit by a truck or something. Scares the bejezus out of me! I know these things are no more likely to happen now than before, but there is just so much more at stake now. Never really gave it much thought before. Funny how things evolve.

I also thought I understood what it was to be an adult. After I bought a house and had 'bills to pay' I felt like I had a pretty good grasp on things. Now, when I look back I realize I had no idea what it meant to be an 'adult'. It means being responsible for others. It means putting your needs aside, and taking care of business first. Being a parent means loving someone else so much it hurts sometimes. Working so hard to make the world a safe place for your children to grow up, knowing that most of it is out of your control. I am remided of what Bob Seger says in 'Against the Wind', "I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then."

Now I wonder what it is I have yet to learn. As I sit here and marvel about how little I knew a couple of years ago, I can't help but realize that the way I feel now will seem foolish through the lens of time. I remain humbled by the early lessons I have been taught by a nine month old baby girl, and I look forward to learning more from her for the rest of my life.

http://semicoherentramblingsofamadman.blogspot.com/