The Great War: Part III?

Well, I almost never go political in any of my ramblings (as a rule of thumb I try to avoid discussions of politics or religion), but I get the feeling that the world is ready to bust at the seems. Today there are reports that Israel will attack Iranian nuclear targets in an effort to prevent them from creating an Atom Bomb.

These attacks are to be done with or without help and coordination from the U.S. and our lame duck president. "Still President Bush" as John Stewart of the Daily Show likes to call him, has nothing to say about this. I fear that the unstable and perhaps even psychotic leadership of Iran, who openly has promised to "wipe the stain of Israel off the map", will see this attack as an extension of the United States (oh, and guess who will have to back them up/bail them out if Iran retaliates? Yup, us).

Our country is still abuzz with the hope brought by the recent election, and like him or not, Obama will certainly take us in a new direction. One of his first pledged actions would be to withdraw from Iraq and turn over security to the people of the country (ready or not). He would presumably then turn his attention to Afghanistan. Makes sense in that there is a terrorist strong hold there, but we have heaps of political trouble with local ruling governments of the area, and you can bet our presence will not be welcomed with open arms given our recent track record.

All of this happens while the Russians are getting increasingly bold with their political and military moves. Putin, who should have been out of office by now, has managed to retain power and has all but restarted the cold war. Take the Georgia invasion for example (and I am talking about the country, not the southern state in the U.S. as I heard one very confused person say a few months back, "How can we just sit back and let Russia invade one of our states?").

Now Putin is parading around his navy and has set a Russian battle ship on course to run through the Panama Canal and to dock in a former U.S. naval base...posturing a bit? I think so. The so called experts maintian this is a harmless tit for tat due to our tisk tisking response to their invasion of a democratic nation in Georgia. I am a bit nervous about Putin becoming buddy buddy with Hugo Chavez, another political leader who might be a bit crazy and has no love loss for us.

Seems to me that the world gets itself into a big mess once every thirty to forty years (give or take). The Great War, 1914; WWII, 1939; Vietnam, 1965. (Vietnam technically started in 1950, but it was just a cival war until we started sending advisors in 1960. This war could have easily turned into WWIII with the tensions involved and the communist vs. democrat overtones that peaked interest in countries such as Russia and China). The point of all of this? I just wonder if we are not the bully hitting the bee hive with a stick with our global policies and allies as of late.

I saw a funny bumper sticker the other day that sort of sums up my opinion of recent American diplomacy: "Be nice to America, or we will bring Democracy to your country!"

Here's hoping we have learned a lesson or two and can avoid the third world war...

How not to drink alcohol 101

Yesterday at the Lions game at Ford Field, I put on a clinic: How not to drink alcohol 101. Between the Bloody Mary's (of which I had never before partook) and the beer, oh and lets not forget the Captain Morgan, I had a bit too much.

Well, "a bit" would be an understatement. We began the day by tailgating outside in a parking lot. I was offered my first ever Bloody Mary, and I enjoyed it. When the cup was empty (and we're talking a full to the brim 'solo' cup) I was offered a Bud Light. Never one to turn down free drinks, I complied happily.

Just as we were about to leave for the game, the host pleaded for everyone to help finish off the remaining Bloody Mary mix. Again, I was all too happy to comply. Luckily this second drink was shared with my father, who coincidentally had a run in of his own with this same drink at last years game. But as we were about to leave I decided to chug the rest of my Bud Light, oh and the rest of my wife's Bud Light. Necessary? Of course it was! Can't leave it behind, right?

When we arrived at the suite I opened the fridge to be greeted by copious amounts of alcohol. This may have been fine had I stuck to one or the other, but I again decided to partake in Bud Light (no idea how many), only to switch to Captain Morgan. Could I have mixed a small amount in my cup and savored it slowly? Of course, but where is the fun in that? I had what amounted to approximately (and I am approximating, because from that point on the rest of the day was a bit hazy) four shots worth of Captain in two drinks that did not sit out long enough to get warm.

By the time I realized what this all was going to cost me, it was too late. I hid the unopened fifth of Captain under my shirt, and off we went. A few minutes into the car ride home (thankfully my father had the sense to switch to diet pop and guide us home safely) I went from laughing to....uh, oh.

Kristy looked back and noticed the change in my demeanor, and as she recalled later the "look" on my face. She had dad pull over as I opened my door and re-enjoyed the flavor of Bloody Mary, spicy chicken wings, chili dogs, beer and Captain Morgan. Not a good thing.

I then apparently used my cell to login to my Facebook account and leave the following status:
"Randy is mad that capt. n Morgan n the Tampampa Bay Bucaneersrs ruined his Sun aft. noon, but thankfull his wife could drive his drunk a@# hm frm the game!"

(Notice the spelling of Tampa and Buccaneers. Also, capt. n Morgan...lol)

This was followed by several drunk dials to the poor people in my phone book, one of which was in bed getting ready for a 4 AM start to his Monday work day. When I get drunk, please take my phone from me! I was shushing people, and telling them "I think I am in trouble. Kristy is going to be mad! Shhhhhhhh!"

The game was a blast, but I can't believe I did that to myself. I also feel bad that I became a burden on the rest of the group, and I thank my father and wife for getting me home (though I don't remember it).

So, let this serve as a cautionary tale. Never mix, and know your limits! If you don't drink liquor very often, you might want to stay away from it! Just say no! As for me, I am never drinking again! Till next time...

P.S.
Sorry if that was too graphic!

Come on Shoot, hit that hard six!

Casino's never really were all that appealing to me, but recently I have had occasion to visit two of the nicer casino's in Michigan. While I can't say that I am reformed, I will say that my opinion on the value of casino's as a form of entertainment has changed.

I guess I never really got into it because of my conservative fiscal tendencies. If I can buy one refillable coke and share it, I will. If the investment is not guaranteed, don't expect me to hand over wads of hard earned money. So the thought of sticking $20 into a slot machine and walking away with nothing makes me physically ill.

My first ever experience in a casino was in Petosky, MI. I tagged along out of curiosity and boredom, plus I figured it was time to see what all the excitement was about. I sat down at the quarter slots thinking that I could make the entertainment last. Fed the machine my twenty, then four and a half minutes later I was ready to cry when I realized I had no money left. Sure, it was mildly entertaining, what with the whizzers and bells, flashing lights and what not. But for the money I had just spent, I could immediately think of several ways to get much more in return.

Having this as my lone reference point, I was not sure what to think when a friend of ours suggested we hit Turtle Creek Casino a couple weeks back. I told myself to loosen up and go enjoy the sights and sounds, not to mention there was talk of a buffet (who can resist eating three servings of food that might stop your heart on the spot, while causing you to be miserable for the next 24-48 hours as you regret that last helping of bananas foster?).

We walked around and played a few games. The floor was bigger than Petosky and the games seemed better. I took my seat at a video poker machine and gave it a whirl. Max credit, hold the ace, deal. Nothing. Max credit, hold three hearts, deal. Nothing. Money dwindling, the queen seemingly laughing at me. Then, max credit, hold the three jacks, deal. Bam! Full house, and the credits start piling up! I admit, it is quite a rush.

Now I can handle the small time stuff. It has its merits as equal parts fun and opportunity to cash in a decent haul. The table games on the other hand are just not my speed. A friend of mine loves to play craps so much so that, if it weren't socially unacceptable hygienically, I think he might play the same table 48 hours straight. With all the vodka cranberries you can drink, who needs anything but a few bathroom breaks anyway?

I watched this confounding game a few times, and even with some expert tutelage from my friend I think I am more confused now than ever. Terms like "Yo" and "Hard six" in place of "eleven" and "two threes" just make it worse. Not to mention that it moves fast, and there are lots of chips and dice flying every which way. If craps could be played with pennies I suspect it might interest my mathematical and gamesmanship side, but the stakes seem a bit too high for me. My friend has an amazing ability to seemingly always walk away with house money in his pocket, but last Sunday we visited Four Winds in New Buffalo and watched a guy burn through $4,000 dollars only to reach in his pocket and cash in another $500, all the while chanting, "it's gonna come back around." Ouch.

I enjoyed my visits, and especially recommend Four Winds to anyone who likes good food, the largest gaming floor you can imagine, and reasonably priced drinks (my short Long Island was only $3). As for me? I will be back, but not with more than $20 cash on my person, and I am leaving the plastic at home.

Rebuffing my hero

Mitch Albom is sort of a hero to me. Not the kind that saves babies from burning buildings, and I don't think he wears a cape, but he is none the less a man I respect.

I have followed Mitch in the Free Press since I was 10 years old. I used to tape his articles on the Bad Boys (Pistons of the 80's and 90's) to my bedroom wall. He has written books including "Tuesdays with Morrie" and "The Five People you Meet in Heaven". All good reads. He also is a regular on the Sunday morning sports talk show called "The Sports Reporters" hosted by fellow WMU alum John Saunders.

Today when I saw his article on the recent moves by the Detroit Lions I had to disagree. He claims that John Kitna deserved better. See the article here:
http://www.freep.com/article/20081014/COL01/81014093/1082/rss12

And my response:
____________________________________________________________________

Mitch,

I have loved reading your books and columns, followed you since the bad boys era. It pains me to say it, but you are dead wrong on Kitna.

Is he a great guy? No doubt. Hard worker? Unquestionably. Team leader? To be sure. But here is the part you got wrong: John Kitna directly contributed to most of the losses incurred by this team in the last two plus seasons.

How many times did a costly fumble, interception or sack from Kitna cost us a game we should have won? I lost count...How many wide open receivers never got the ball because Kitna could not avoid the rush? Again, too many to count.

Even if you say Kitna is not to blame for this year’s debacle, and I don't think anyone can pin it all on him, there is still one lingering problem. Kitna is not the future of this franchise. I don't care how much you like the guy. We need to move in another direction, and we have two young QB's on the bench who would never see action without moving Kitna.

I applaud the recent moves by the Lions brass. Finally they are showing a commitment to move forward. With Kitna on the field we achieve nothing, even if we win. It is highly doubtful that we can salvage this season and we need to start evaluating what we have for the future.

Now, if your argument is that Kitna deserves better than IR, well I can almost agree with you. However, the best situation for all parties here would have been a trade, and clearly no GM out there was willing to give up any picks or prospects for an aging journeyman QB with back problems (Matt Millen is out of work you know).

From all accounts I have read, the Lions tried to arrange a trade to no avail. The only other option then is to put Kitna on IR. I am sure he would never admit the extent of the damage to his back, and we could not play the wait and see game. It's over for him in Detroit. Take a vacation John, we will see about landing you with another team this off season.

So, thanks Kitna for your time and effort, you are a helluva guy and we wish you the best. But this is a business, and we need to move on. Sorry Mitch, you got that one wrong...

____________________________________________________________________

Americana

Here is a slice of good old Americana. This Sunday we decided to thaw some pork chops and do some grillin (as it turns out, one of the packages we thought was pork chops was actually steak, but hey, that only works in my favor if you ask me).

I don't like to bake meat if I can grill instead, and pan frying anything tends to leave you with something more akin to shoe leather. The only problem is that I had no pork chop grilling recipes or experience. So to the internet I went, and this is what I found:

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4 (3/4 to 1 inch thick) pork chops

1/4 tsp. salt
3/4 tsp. lemon pepper seasoning
1/2 tsp. dried whole oregano

Sprinkle pork chops, with salt, lemon pepper, and oregano. Place chops in 4 to 5 inches from coals. Grill over low to medium hot coals 25 minutes or until the chops are no longer pink, turning once. 4 servings.

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I used a little olive oil with the rub. The result? Mmmmmm...delicious! It was mouthwatering. I of course adjusted the amounts involved due to the fact that we had only two chops and they were not 1'' thick. It took considerably less than 25 minutes to grill them.

The ale you see pictured is the new offering from Anheuser Bush (now owned by a Belgian co. called Inbev by the way, which sort of cheapens the title of this post and their beer). It is a suprisingly good brew all things considered. It is amber in color, has a rich smooth flavor, and sort of reminds me of Killians Irish Red. I don't like a lot of hops in my beer, and it needs to have a nice finish without biting, and this malty caramel goodness does the trick. I am a fan. I shall consume more.

As you look at the picture of our dinner, you may have noticed that the steak looks like pac man is about to eat one of the pork chops. Do not adjust your set, this is just the cut I had to make to be sure that the steak was not still mooing inside. I like mine on the medium rare side and am not afraid of the pink center, but I have on occasion been too quick to pull the meat off the grill, causing it to be a little too bloody for my wife's taste. Since I am not a professional and do not own a meat thermometer, I just cut into the center and peek. Doesn't do much for the visual presentation, but again, I am not a professional.

It was a fantastic weekend for us. Our baby girl is now six months old, I ran in the Campus Classic 5k Saturday, there is a bite in the air, football on tv, steak/chops on the grill and cold beer in the fridge. If that ain't the American dream, I don't know what is...

TIP:
Just a reminder, for those of you who get the automatic e-mail for new posts, don't forget you can see this blog at: http://semicoherentramblingsofamadman.blogspot.com/
Some people did not understand the "Sound of Pure Joy" post because it has a video on the actual blog that did not come through in the e-mail.
Also, there are still a few spots left on the auto e-mail list so if you would like to receive new posts via your e-mail let me know!

The sound of pure joy...

Lately we have been working on getting EmJ to laugh. My wife has been successful to a certain extent getting short quiet bursts out of her here and there, but it required intense effort. I got a giggle once, but nothing sustained, and certainly not spontaneous.

So you can imagine how geeked we were this evening when she laughed histerically. We were sitting on the couch and Emily was watching me play with Cooper, when out of no where she let loose with the best laugh I have ever heard. Seems she has developed a fascination with Coop lately. Her eyes light up when he comes near, and if he is within arms reach she comes up with a handfull of fur.

I think my wife is a Ninja...

Here is my evidence:

1) She can enter and leave a room with quiet swiftness. I swear there are times I thought she was in the other room, so I patiently wait for her to return only to look behind me and find her comfy cozy on the couch. Scary.

2) She reads faster than any human being has a right to. Not sure if this is a Ninja skill or not, but I know she can read a 400 page novel in about half an hour (give or take). That just aint right.

3) When we play puzzle games or fill in the blank type stuff (Think Wheel of Fortune) she knows the answer about five times quicker than anyone else. There was a Wheel puzzle the other day with 20 blanks and one filled in letter, and she yells out "Never in my wildest dreams, duh!". I was like how did you do that? To which she replied, "The category is phrase, hello!". Meanwhile, the contestants get all but two letters filled in, and still guessed wrong. Come to think of it, maybe I need to buy my wife a plane ticket. Do they allow Ninja's on Wheel?

4) Weapon of Choice: Sarcasm. She can quickly diffuse any situation with this wicked instrument of destruction.

5) Swiftly spots all errors made by me. Only a ninja could figure out what it was I was about to do wrong before I even do it. This seems to be pretty consistent, although sometimes I surprise her and fix an error before she catches it. Guess I am her padawan learner (jedi apprentice to the uninitiated), ninja in training.

6) Master of 'the look'. One flash of this look and the recipient knows that my wife is not to be messed with. I assume this look has been crafted over the years in preparation for raising our daughter, whom I assume will test our patience often.

7) Cooking without a cookbook. Often Mother Hubbard's Cupboard is bare, and we are down to a random collection of materials with which to make a meal. My wife does not see this as a problem. She once turned a lemon, some garlic seasoning, a couple artichoke hearts and some cheese into a gourmet meal. Seriously, some of her 'inventions' are so good I request them again. I now intentionally purchase random ingrediants at the grocery store just so that she will experiment in the kitchen. The draw back to this ninja skill is the abuse my waistline takes, but I am willing to sacrifice.

What are you lookin at?

***Update: Well, this post was written on my Treo and apparently when you choose "save", it posts your unfinished ramblings and e-mails everyone! I have since updated and corrected my late night grammar and spelling mistakes.***

It is that time of the year again, season premiers of all your favorite tv shows. I don't watch much tv, that is to say I don't keep up on specific shows. Never have. My tv is typically on ESPN or something like History or Discovery channels. Seems to me that sitcoms and drama's have been pretty dull compared to ten years ago.

I do however think that a few shows have proven worthy of tuning into, so here is a list of what I am looking forward to this fall (only counting major networks):

1) New Adventures of Old Christine - I was not a Seinfeld fan, and never really noticed Julia Louis Dreyfus before, but this show is Hi-Double-Arious. Wanda Sykes is brilliant with her dry wit, and the rest of the cast is spot on (including one of my favorites from the movie VanWilder, who plays "New Christine"). Watching Dreyfus shimmie shake her shoulders in an effort to be sexy at the supermarket and attract a man is very amusing.

2) Big Bang Theory - In the age where geek is chic, this one really amuses me. Last year I was hooked when Sheldon dressed as the Doppler Effect for Halloween. Plus, I love any show that works in a bit about Schrodinger's cat (Quantum Physics theory about a cat that is simultaneously alive and dead). Is this show dead or alive? Guess we will have to look to find out!

3) How I met your mother - Neil Patrick Harris (of Doogie Howser fame) is so funny as Barney, the morally challenged "wing man" who loves to "suit up" and hit the bar. The show is based on a father recalling the days of his youth to his children, leading up to of course how he met their mother. Have we already meet the mother, or is she being saved for the series finale? A group of 20 something friends gather at their favorite watering hole and hi jinks ensue. Good stuff.

A picture is worth a thousand words

I just came across a post that I never finished. As I wrote it I began the process every good journalist (remember, I am not a journalist, I just play one on the web) should do; fact checks.

I was disturbed to find out that the humorous tales I learned in my business classes at WMU were either completely false, or at least under suspicion. *sigh* Can't anything be on the up and up any more? Not that I want to live in Mayberry with Sheriff Taylor, but come on people! A little straight forwardness and honesty, is that too much to ask? But I digress...

Point is, I liked my original idea for a story, and who can resist an opportunity to brag about their kids? The "business tales" I will leave for you to decide.

8/27/2008 I wrote:
______________________________________________________





A colleague of mine was commenting on this great picture we have of our five month old daughter with a big bright smile on her face. She said, "Wow, looks like you have a Gerber baby there!". This brought to mind the picture on the front of all Gerber products and I remembered a funny thing we learned in a business class I took at the Haworth College of Business here at WMU.

Gerber baby in a jar: In South Africa the literacy rate is very low, so most products have a picture of the containers contents on its label. Wanting to understand why it's hugely successful line of baby food was not selling well internationally, Gerber flew some executives to Africa. They were informed that no one would buy a jar of ground up babies...Gerber as you may know, is famous for having a picture of a cute baby face on its labels!

Nova = "No go": Chevy took its successful Nova model to Mexico where sales were beyond abysmal. When they investigated further they discovered that the name Nova quite literally means "No go" in Spanish. They changed the name to Caribe and sales took off.
Note: This one is under a bit of scrutiny and Snopes.com lists this tale as "False", although I think their supporting argument is a little suspect and the fact that this tale was in my Business 4200 textbook leads me to believe it. Plus, it's too funny to dismiss!)

John Deere adultery hat: In Asia there is an idiom that translates roughly to "I wear a green hat", which means that you cheat on your spouse. John Deere has found that their hats sell better in white, or yellow. Anything but green!
_____________________________________________________

If the stories are true or not, I find it interesting that they appear in college text books. I seem to find myself frequently using web sites like snopes.com to check things of this nature. It seems to be pretty reliable, although you can't blindly trust any one site, and some of their supporting arguments seem suspect to me.

I do find Snopes to be effective at debunking the e-mail rumors and virus alerts that seem so prevalent these days. I once briefly believed an e-mail sent to me with a picture of a 27' Aligator that was taken out of a local river in my home town. Very realistic with pictures and references to real places, people, and newspapers. I double checked in Snopes, and sure enough the length was exaggerated (largest 'gator ever recorded was under 20') and the photo was taken in Texas somewhere. Seems there are several versions of this e-mail sent around, customized to your local area, in an effort to get you to forward to all of your friends. This gives the creator access to your e-mail address book and the ability to spread viruses. Crazy people...

So, when it comes to the stories you have heard here, you be the judge. I just wouldn't recommend that you wear your green hat on your next visit to Japan.

http://semicoherentramblingsofamadman.blogspot.com/

The fine art of umbrella purchasing

So today has been "one of those days" for me. I love that phrase because everyone just read that and went, "Ahh, I know exactly what you mean. I am having 'one of those days' myself" even though you can't possibly know what I mean. But I digress...

I woke this morning with a lovely chest cold to kick off the day. Then the dark clouds rolled in as I fed the dog and got myself ready for work. After Joe Namath’ing through the morning (This is a term I now use in place of the word 'struggling'. For clarification see the video of Joe Namath drunk on the sidelines of a Jet's game, trying to make out with sideline reporter Suzie Kolber, and struggling to pronounce the word 'struggling'. The video can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc65NC44dSk) I decided to hit the pharmacy for some cold meds.

I ventured to the parking lot with my cheap WMU logo umbrella and started toward my car through a down poor. As I opened Old Faithful, the nickname given my trusty umbrella of several years, I was greeted with a dreadful sound. SPROING! My shield from Mother Nature virtually exploded, and I was left holding the shaft in one hand and the umbrella in the other while springs and pieces clanked to the ground. Not what I needed right then.

I went to the local haberdashery to procure myself a replacement for Old Faithful, and I found the beautiful model pictured above. This baby has a graphite shaft, a two layered canopy for precipitation protection, an ergonomic grip, AM/FM tuner, GPS, espresso maker and it glows in the dark. Ok, so I embellished some of that, but compared to my broken down poor excuse for an umbrella now lying in pieces on the cold dark pavement, this thing was awesome!

I knew I had picked the correct umbrella the first time I opened it after leaving the store. I was a bit perplexed at first when I pushed the blinking red button to deploy the canopy and nothing happened. Then I realized I had forgotten to release the second, yes second strap holding the thing together. After remedying this, I held on tight and braced myself for the show.

FffffwwwwhaaaaBuuuuush!!!!!!! (Read: overly dramatic sound of an umbrella opening in slow motion. I think that is how you spell that sound, although it is not listed in Merriam-Webster. Useless). This thing is awesome. I have to admit I may be easily impressed as Old Faithful was purchased for a specific need, that being I was a broke college student who needed something that was cheap and would fit in my book bag. My new umbrella seems so huge by comparison. I almost felt compelled to use it to shuttle poor umbrella-less saps to their vehicles, or find a small family to gather under my new mobile shelter.

So, my new umbrella should last me a while. If not, it is covered by a very comprehensive bumper to bumper warranty. 10 years or 100k miles, whichever comes first. I hope that my experience has helped you in your quest to find shelter against the storm.

Menagerie

Since I started this blog I have been focusing on quality over quantity. Sometimes it is hard to stay politically correct and keep from offending someone, and this narrows my choice of topics to "burn on" (to steal a phrase made popular by T.V.'s Jim Rome).

Having said that, here is a list of things I am thinking about right now, in no particular order and in no way related to anything other than random thoughts floating in my head.

Yesterday I was accosted at MIS by GropeZilla. The whole incident was caught on tape by my friend who was trying to capture a posed pic of me in front of the Dale Earnhardt Jr. merchandise trailer. I was just goofing off with a funny pose in front of a huge picture of Dale, when from out of nowhere I feel someone come from behind and mount me! We are fond of such silliness in my family and group of friends so my first thought brought to mind my brother trying to sneak into the pic. As such I began to reach down to grab hold and complete the pose. Providence stepped in just before I grabbed a handful, because I had looked up and noticed that all members of my party were present and accounted for in front of me. Hmmmm.

As I turned around I noticed that a women had made the best of an opportunity to make her friends, and subsequently my whole group, almost die of laughter. Thank god I did not grab hold. As luck would have it, when I handed my camera to my friend I had left it on movie mode, so the whole thing was captured on a 20 sec youtube worthy clip. Thanks must go out to my wife who quite calmly muttered under her breath after seeing the clip, and did not try to track down GropeZilla. Honey, I love you. Thanks also to dad for a great day!

I can not believe the summer is almost over! Where did time go? I guess hours of watching my daughter saturate herself with slobber while trying to master the "motor boat sound" has made time fly by. This past Saturday I had the opportunity to return to a class held at the hospital for prospective dads. This time I was the "veteran" returning in glorious fashion to regale the wide eyed group of newbies with tales of meconium, afterbirth, epidurals and other things that would make most young men queasy.

It was a lot of fun to share my experience and answer questions as a respected member of the dad community. They hung on my every word as I remembered how I felt only a few short months ago when I was in their seat. I assured them that the head would not fall off when they picked baby up (one of my irrational fears as a newbie) and told them they would get through this just fine. Emily screeched and fused the whole time, so I am not sure how effective my message was, but it was fun none the less...

Is it a good thing or a bad thing that social networking software such as Facebook exists? I am on the fence. I am a late adopter (I only started because I had to give a presentation on it at the library, so I would have felt hypocritical to teach it without using it). I like some of the features, for example I just last night discovered a long lost high school friend, but it also has some drawbacks.

Advertising, the double edged sword. Your page is farmed for keywords, your birth date and gender provide key demographic info, your likes and interests page make you all too easy to target. Yet, without these advertisers willing to pay top dollar for this market research that is worth its weight in gold, things like Facebook would not be free and probably would not exist.

Another disturbing trend that I am almost against (read: I will apply it to others but object to it being applied to me) is the use of Facebook as a pre-job interview discovery tactic. Today, a student inquired about an open position I have. So I "Facebooked" him. He is a friend of a former student I had employed and I got the skinny on him. No need to interview him. It is a bold new world we live in!

Life is worth living

Awe. Here comes the soft side. Look out, I'm about to get all mushy.

During the first couple of months of my daughters life I experienced almost every emotion a human can go through. I was happy, excited, hopeful, giddy and all of those 'good' emotions. Believe it or not, I also had a healthy dose of nervous, sad, worried, apprehensive and anxious.

It is hard to put into words the roller coaster that you go through from the time your wife tells you that she is pregnant to that precious moment that your first child takes her first breath. Personally, I was a wreck. I was happy to see her, but scared that I would do something wrong and let her down while raising her. I was hopeful for a long life of happiness with my small family, but I was nervous that we were in for a long tough road ahead.

The first few weeks of my daughters life were some of the most challenging I have faced in years. Finishing finals during my senior year of college was nothing compared to trying to calm and sooth a screaming baby with colic. It was a very nerve racking and trying time for both my wife and I. Yet from the challenge breaks a new dawn. Tonight I realized as I sat watching my wife spoon feed "big girl" food (banana flavored oatmeal) to my beautiful baby girl that we have become closer and more fulfilled as a family than ever before.

I am not proficient enough with words to describe how it feels to have that beautiful bundle of joy look at you and smile when you catch her attention. I now know why I was put on this earth, and I feel like now I have finally accomplished something that will make a difference in this world. When I am gone, my impact on this planet will continue on. Her happiness is worth all of the struggles I have ever faced, and at the same time makes my troubles seem so trivial.

Not Dead Yet...

'Tech' is a four letter word to most. Microsoft does nothing to make it easier to digest. In the past year or so they have released into the wild their new operating system for PC's, Windows Vista. This has been meet with much resistance, prompting many to demand that Windows XP be given a stay of execution.

While XP is not dead yet, understand that the end is near. I recently 'upgraded' a PC for someone from Vista to XP (MS calls that a downgrade, but that is a matter of opinion), only to find that new hardware is manufactured for Vista only, and not compatible with XP. This person was stuck between a rock and a hard place because her children's large collection of beloved games and educational software was not Vista compatible. We had to change the hardware on a brand new machine just to install XP.

Alas, the industry evolves. It was the same thing when XP was first announced (although I think the growing pains were eased by the fact that XP replaced arguably the worst operating system ever created called Windows ME). Since its introduction XP has become the most stable and prominent operating system out there, which explains why people are woe to move away from it.

All good things come to an end, and whether you believe MS is just pushing Vista to make money, or this is the next step in the evolution of computing, the fact is you can't stop it. Eventually at some point you will either have to buy new hardware or upgrade to Vista for some new software you need that does not work with XP (or, ***shudder***, switch to Mac or Linux).

In the mean time take heart in the fact that XP is still supported with updates and technicians through the year 2014. If you are contemplating buying a new PC though, your option to get XP on it is fast running out. Jan 2009 is the end of all retail sales for XP, and most places have already stopped selling any new hardware that is XP compatible.

If you are considering Vista, make sure it works with all of your software and peripherals (printers, scanners, cameras, etc. Assume anything manufactured before 2007 is not Vista ready). From what I understand, most of the kinks have been worked out of Vista and it should prove to be a good OS in the long run. Just make sure you have plenty of RAM and can live without your old software/hardware.

Remember, there are techies like me out there who enjoy this stuff because we can charge large amounts of money to fix it! Hey, diapers are expensive people!

The Business of Sports

Over the years professional sports has been more and more business like and less loyal to players and fans. Salary caps are huge, and salaries are disproportionate with reality. This has turned what was once something players did for the love of the game into a multi-billion dollar a year industry.

It used to be that your team drafted a player and he was your guy for years to come. Most of my pro sports memories from childhood are Detroit related, but I think the experience holds true across the board. Steve Yzerman played his whole 22 year career with the winged wheel on his chest, Joe Dumars retired a Piston and moved into their front office, Barry Sanders retired from the lions (albeit early and on bad terms, but one team none the less).

Now it seems you can hardly get used to a guy on your team before he gets caught in the business dealings that have become all too common. Today, the Tigers traded Pudge Rodriguez to the Yankees for a pitcher who used to play for Detroit. A couple of years ago Ben Wallace walked away from the Pistons to take more money from the Bulls (how did that one work out for ya big fella?). The Lions cut starting running back Kevin Jones (a money move) and have been through more coaches in the past decade than some franchise's have had since their inception.

The result? I have a growing stack of jerseys from my favorite players hanging in my closet that I no longer wear because they don't play for my team anymore. A friend of mine is a Marlins fan and loves Pudge Rodriguez. He spent big money on a sweet authentic Pudge Marlins jersey during their heyday. What happened after FL won the World Series? Fire sale. Traded away all of their big talent. Pudge eventually wound up in Detroit, my friend’s jersey collecting dust in his closet. As it turns out, he is also a diehard Yankees fan so now he has his boy back behind the plate. I wonder…will he spend any money on a Pudge Yankees jersey?

Now you can say that the players are just as guilty as the franchise, and I agree with you. When you have $100 million dollars you are not likely to starve (**he takes a shot at Latrel Sprewell who infamously turned down millions in an effort to get more money to quote 'feed his family'**). Sometimes the franchise just has to mitigate risk as Detroit did with Pudge today. The contract was expiring and they were likely to get nothing in return as Ivan would have bolted this summer.

I don't blame GM's for playing the game because they have no choice. What I would like to see is these whiny, rich beyond my wildest dreams, ordinary men with gifted physical ability, shut up and play the game. Be loyal to the fan who can hardly afford the inflated ticket prices teams charge to pay your ridiculous salary. Not to mention you make a stupid amount of money to play games while some of us struggle just to stay employed at $10 per hour. When was the last time you had to sweat over paying $4 a gallon so you could get to a job you hate? Suck it up and take that paltry $60 million to play a game you claim to love.

A tutorial

I have been married now for four of the most spectacular years of my life, and I am one of the lucky few who has truly found my soul mate. I can't describe how it feels to be blessed enough to have the rest of my life to spend with my best friend at my side.
Having said that, I felt I should disseminate everything I have learned about women over the past few years. Here it is for your edification, everything I know about women:






Did you get it all? Thats right, nothing. I know nothing about women. They remain as mysterious and hard to figure out as ever. Just when I think I know what I am doing, WHAM! Wrong!
I guess that is what makes life interesting. If they were easy to figure out it would be boring...

Movie time!

At lunch today the conversation veered into movie land. I am somewhat jaded by Tinsel Town as of late, and my personal take is that they are running out of original ideas worth making a movie out of. Look at all of the dusted off old ideas that have been regurgitated in the last couple of years; Batman, Die Hard, Indiana Jones, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, just to name a few.

Some of these remakes are good; some of them should never have been touched. *see also The Incredible Hulk*

This got me to thinking about movies I have loved over the last decade or so, and I have compiled a list of "If you missed it, you should go check it out" movies.
(Editors note: I am by no means Roger Ebert, so these are just my non professional thoughts, observations, and ideas, so take it with a grain of salt)

1) The Comedy selection: Anchorman
Granted, Farrell is an acquired taste, but if you love his style check out the movie that gave us such memorable quotes as:
-You're a smelly pirate hooker. Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?
-I'm in a glass case of emotion!
-Sex Panther, 60% of the time, it works every time!
-Look, a glorious rainbow! Do me on it!
-and the list goes on...
Not to mention the classic scene of Farrell describing to his buddies what it's like to be in love by leading the gang in an A Capella version of 'Afternoon Delight'. Good stuff!

Honorable Mention: Superbad, a hilarious coming of age tale from new comedy genius Seth Rogan.

2) The Fantasy/Action Adventure selection: Pirates of the Caribbean, Curse of the Black Pearl
This was such a well told story with fantastic original characters and great visuals. I remember seeing this in the theater and thinking, "now that is how you make a great movie!” Johnny Depp takes the character 'Captain' Jack Sparrow to epic heights and anything Producer Jerry Bruckheimer touches turns to gold. The two sequels are worth seeing, but the magic of the original is never recaptured. Favorite quote, "Why is all the Rum gone?"

Honorable Mention: Star Wars III, Revenge of the Sith, easily the best of the 'prequels'

3) The Drama selection: The Good Sheppard
Brilliant casting, an edge of your seat thriller, and the best post WWII story I have seen. This one is a little bit hard to follow at times, but if you pay attention you should get it in the end. I love Matt Damon in this, because you never quite know what to think about his character. He keeps you guessing and as you find out throughout the film that has been his job since he was a college lad.

Honorable Mention: Reign over Me, Don Cheadle and surprisingly Adam Sandler turn in great performances in this post 9/11 life goes on story (I say 'surprisingly Sandler' because it is in my opinion his only serious role that he pulls off aside from maybe 'Spanglish'). Gripping scenes with Sandler recalling 9/11 and how it changed him forever.

4) Animated tale I saw before I had children that gave me a built in excuse: Finding Nemo
You have to love the voice cast in this and the animation was stunning. I was not an Ellen Degeneres fan before this movie, but Dory was an unforgettable character that still makes me grin. "Hi, I'm Dory. Have we met?” When she reads the 'escape' hatch as EsChaPeh and postures that it must be French, I just can't help but laugh. Then she says, "hey, that’s funny it’s spelled the same as escape". Brilliant. I still use the "Good feelings gone" quote from when the monster fish sneaks up on them in the abyss and love to sing and dance to "no eating here tonight, uh, no eating here tonight, you on a diet"!

Honorable Mention: Meet the Robinsons, a great flick about a boy genius who invents time travel. I know someone who reminds me of Yagoobian, but I won't say here...

Can a man really have too many toys?

Recently I have begun to renew my zeal for guitar, rediscovering my love of classic rock in the process. This is due mostly to the fact that a friend of mine bought a drum set and we have begun working on a few songs for a possible cover band or open mic night appearances.

Taking stock of my guitar collection, I noticed it consisted of three and a half pieces; an old entry level $100 Takamine Jasmine series acoustic (which I believe has a sound way richer than most guitars two or three times the price, but I digress), a Fender Squire Strat that my father-in-law bought on e-bay that needs a new rheostat (it only plays with the sound nob delicately tuned to somewhere around 7 and 7/8), and a 1974/75 maroon Gibson Marauder that belongs to my father-in-law. The one half piece is the Gibson's accompanying amp that is showing its age and has no inputs for an ipod. Seriously, how can any budding musician be expected to deal with such archaic equipment as this?

So I needed at the very least a practice amp, which is where all the trouble started. I am only thinking of my wifes sanity, as the old amp is also missing an output jack for headphones. Thus I went to my favorite place, Guitar Center. I know some die hards out there are thinking that is a joke. GC is sort of akin to WalMart. It is the musicians bargain bin, but hey, I am on a budget.

I found a neat little Crate practice amp for $70 that includes some distortion overdrive effects and an input for my mp3 player, or more importantly, my laptop (I love anything that allows you to plug in a laptop).

My wife was none too happy about this purchase as we are on a tight budget with the baby and all. I think she understood, but from her perspective she sees a pile of equipment and I am by no means a professional making money off of it, not that most professional musicians out there are making money off of their equipment either. While I was at GC, I played an Ibanez amplified acoustic six string and loved it. My preference was for a Martin satin top that just blows your mind with its rich deep tones, but that thing is around $900 on a good day and I was already seeing the writing on the wall about my dream there.

What pleased me the most about the Ibanez was the price tag, a mere 1/3 the price of the Martin. Still, I hung it back on the wall knowing I can only test my wifes patience so much in one month. After jamming with my friend and working on a couple of classic tunes from Bob Seger and Bad Co., I could not help remembering the sound I was getting out of that Ibanez. "Man, how cool would that sound with an acousitc?" I would say. I could not help myself.

So I vowed I would raise the cash with some side IT work, and I told my wife the plan. She was very accepting, save for the "you already have three guitars, why in the world do you need another?" comment. She had a point, but guitars are like people, each of them has their own unique personality and they all have different situations that they work best in. You don't play Metallica on a straight six string acoustic, a Fender works best for most 80's rock, a Gibson has a specific sound you find in Clapton and others, and you just can't play Seger's 'Night Moves' alone on electric.

Having hashed it out with my wife I decided to move forward and get the guitar. By chance I just happened to check e-bay and found the exact model I was after w/hard case and leather strap, at an opening bid of $100! It was in good shape and I put in a bid. Three days later I was paying $20 shipping on a winning bid of $148. I saved over $200 on buying all that stuff new and the wife seemed pleased by this.

So, to make a long story even longer, I don't believe a man can have too many toys. I am collecting finely crafted small works of art. These are not toys to me. They are tools that I can use to brighten a room with, bring smiles to faces, and burn off a little after work stress. Now to convince my wife that even though I have a 30th anniversary edition Mustang GT convertible, I still need to get my hands on a '68 GT coupe to rebuild...that is a battle for another day I guess.

Sick of this war!

Today I read an article that breaks my heart. Found on CNN.com, 'It's gonna be a bloodbath' sort of brings light to the reason I chose not to enlist in the armed services.

Let me break here to say that I support our troops. Not the reason they are there mind you, but I support the hell out of the brave men and women fighting for our country. This topic is usually a hot button issue and I don't mean to touch off a debate over the merits of our political agenda in the Middle East, but it really grinds me that we are still there.

Each of our young men and women who have signed up for duty did so of free will (undue influence of pushy recruiters, miserable home conditions and family disputes aside). To a certain extent you cannot say they were 'victims' or walked into this blindly. To a certain extent.

Having said that, I just don't understand why our military continues to repeat the same mistakes. This example comes from Afghanistan...Where you say? Afghanistan...you remember, the place we landed first all those years ago to rid the world of terrorism and spread democracy, irregardless of whether it was wanted or not. We were supposed to have won victory and crushed the Taliban into oblivion just before we left for big oil in Iraq (I'm sorry, that is why we went there, plain and simple).

Now we have reports that on July 13th, a handful of America's finest were 'scouting' for a remote outpost in what they described as the 'most dangerous part of the world'. Needless to say, the outnumbered brave soldiers were overrun by a group of Taliban numbering in the hundreds. It was the highest US military fatality rate in three years.

Why are we playing cat and mouse games with an enemy that has continuously proven a desire to bring the fight to us anywhere, anytime, under any circumstances?All of the political stuff aside, what makes this worse is among the dead are several soldiers who were in the last days of a 15 month tour of duty. Tell me how it makes any sense that these people, who were about to rejoin their families, were sent out in what even the soldiers new was a bad situation?

I have read my share of gut wrenching tales about young men and women dying without ever meeting their newborn children, or leaving behind young spouses and other beloved family members. This one makes no sense because these soldiers were in an area that was clearly not secured. They weren't hit by a roadside bomb, or an RPG. They were attacked by a group of people who have nowhere near the level of sophistication and technology that we are supposed to have.

Either we occupy an area and clear it of all threats using superior technology and numbers, or we move on. What is with the 'outpost' thing? I am so sick of hearing us declare victory over an enemy only to be smacked in the face a couple short years later.

My heart goes out to the family of our fallen soldiers. I hope they all come home soon. God bless.

Since becoming a father...

Since the day I became a father in April of 2008, I have noticed that there are three basic types of people in this world; the kind that already have kids, the kind that want kids, and the kind that despise kids.

You can tell if a person has kids when you tell them that your baby has colic. The look on their face shows the battle scars and lets you know that they feel your pain. If you say ‘colic’ to a non-parent, they are likely to give you a blank stare and say, “gee, that’s too bad”. When you say ‘colic’ to a parent, their face gets all scrunched up and they say something like “you poor miserable soul, is there anything I can do for you? Anything at all? We can watch baby for a while, or cook you a meal, or do the shopping. You name it and we are there for you! We can get through this together!”

Colic is basically a title that doctors have created to say your baby is going to scream her head off for three straight months, there is nothing we can do about it, and we have no idea why. As you can imagine, this is great news to a scared stiff new parent. Something like one out of every four babies goes through it. I think if they really want to solve the teen pregnancy problem in this country, make 14 year old girls watch my daughter overnight. They will stay as far away from the boys as they can!

I have also noticed that people get stupid around babies. They are all experts and know exactly what you are doing wrong, and they aren’t afraid to tell you. Unsolicited advice has been thrown at us from every angle, so much so that I sometimes cringe to even tell people about our daughter. People say stuff like, “My little Susie was never outside without a bonnet on her head”, or “You have to breast feed her until she graduates from college to get the best benefit from mother’s milk”. Idiots.

We have been greeted with some much needed and intelligent advice, though it has been far and few between. While I appreciate everyone's desire to help, I find myself wishing people would just keep their ideas to themselves unless asked for them. Maybe it just comes down to my favorite saying from Charles Swindoll which I shall paraphrase here: "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it."

Right on Chuck! I guess I just need to take peoples advice with a grain of salt. Being a parent does not come with an instruction book; you just figure it out through trial and error. So far so good, so I guess I cannot complain. What is that old line from Eagles guitarist Joe Walsh? "I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. Life's been good to me so far..."

To hyphen, or not to hypen?

The opening entry of my blog brings my first preponderance. Should 'Semi Coherent' be hyphenated?
From Merriam-Webster (which is hyphenated by the way) we have this definition of 'Coherent':

Main Entry: co·her·ent

Pronunciation: \-ənt\

Function: adjective

Etymology: Middle French or Latin; Middle French cohérent, from Latin cohaerent-, cohaerens, present participle of cohaerēre

Date: circa 1555

1 a: logically or aesthetically ordered or integrated : consistent <coherent style> coherent argument> b: having clarity or intelligibility : understandable coherent person> coherent passage>2: having the quality of cohering; especially : cohesive, coordinated coherent plan for action>3 a: relating to or composed of waves having a constant difference in phase <coherent light> b: producing coherent light coherent source>

— co·her·ent·ly adverb

A quick web search, using Google of course, turns up several definitions of how/when to use a hyphen. I still don't know if I need one in the title of my blog or not, which leads me to leave it out due to my subscription to the school of 'when in doubt, leave it out' writing.

Having said that, the definition provided above helps me to define what my blog is all about; almost, but not quite, coherent ramblings. I am not an English major, and I will make mistakes. Logically and esthetically ordered it shall be, but correct and intelligible I cannot guarantee.

So, caveat emptor, I make no promises in my blogging content. My only hope is that you can enjoy my stream of consciousness writing and can relate to what I am spewing into blogland. If not, at least maybe you can get a laugh or two.

Thanks for reading; I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

Signed,
Semi-Coherent Mad Man