Call it Murphy's Law, call it bad luck, call it whatever you want, but the world is out to get me...
This has been a trend I have been observing for quite some time, and I have developed a theory. Today, after having the conspiring custodial staff yet again close the restroom for cleaning as I was approaching, I think that my theory holds some weight.
It seems that every time I exit my office and head in the direction of the rest room (clear on the other side of the building by the way, which is really inconvenient) the custodians close it for cleaning. This is not a coincidence folks.
Here is what I think is happening. There is a custodial spy stationed somewhere in the book stacks outside of my office (a clever ninja trained in the art of disguise as I have been unable to locate this person). When said spy sees me exit my office they radio to the waiting team near the men's room:
"Sanitaion-1, this is Mop&Bucket. The Eagle has flown the nest. I repeat, the Eagle has flown the nest. Commence operation restroom closed!"
They used to do such a good job of coordination that they had all restrooms closed at the same time, on all four floors. Wow! That level of dedication to ruining my morning is just unheard of! We have since requested that they only clean one at a time, which only makes sense if you ask me.
Now I know some of you are thinking, well that is just one example. Maybe you think I am overreacting...Well to that I offer this. When I was working retail sales, customers would conspire against me so that I could not eat my lunch! Yup, you heard me (or rather, read me?). They had a similar setup to the ninja-custodian team.
Every day it would be quiet as can be, very few customers. Then, I calmly approach the microwave to insert my lunch, and no sooner does the whir of the microwave begin, and radiation starts to soak into my frozen processed lunch when, "Ding!" A customer! Imagine that. Then another followed by another and you get the point. Soon enough my lunch has undergone physical state changes from solid to liquid, to something in between. Yuck!
I know these people are all calmly waiting in their parked cars, peering through binoculars to see me walk toward the microwave, and giving the all clear over their military issue walkie-talkies, sending a steady flow of people through the door for the next two hours.
Not enough evidence for you? Well, how is it that every time I get in line at the grocery store, there just happens to be someone in line in front of me paying with a check after asking for a price check on some random item they thought was marked $0.20 less than it rang in at?
I suppose you expect me to believe that the people driving 10 mph under the speed limit in front of me WHENEVER I am late is also a coincidence? Humph. I don't believe it.
So I ask you, what have I done to the universe to deserve such treatment? Please tell me so I can right my cosmic wrongs!
http://semicoherentramblingsofamadman.blogspot.com/
Posts
