Raising kids without loosing sight of where it all began

Before we had children my wife and I thought of our marriage as strong, if not the strongest one we knew of. We watched as friends and family entered and exited matrimony with shouting, petty squabbling, and an absence of the strong bond and commitment that we seem to have. Nothing could end that feeling for us, right? We have such a strong bond that nothing could ever strain us. Not even...becoming parents. Right?

It was a fast and fun time in our lives. We had the world in the palm of our hands. No worries. Want to go out for drinks? Lets go! Want to take a spur of the moment trip to the family cabin? Sure! We didn't have money to burn, but we had enough to entertain ourselves without too much worry. Nothing in our lives prevented us from seeing each other, spending time together, dedicating all of our waking hours of free time together, or spending our free time sleeping in. How could we have known just how different our lives would become in a few short years?

I can recall the conversations we had as we began planning our family. “Just because we have kids, doesn't mean we can't still go out and have fun” we would say. “We're not going to be one of those couples who instantly seems old after they have kids...” we would say. Sure, we knew things would change a little. The obvious things were there, but we (well at least I) had no idea about the subtle changes.

Fast forward almost five years and two kids later, and we still have a strong marriage. Still one of the strongest I have ever known. We just didn't get here the way I thought we would. You see, not only do we have less time and money, but we have less energy and our desires have changed. When you do finally have some free time, really all you can think about is vegging out in front of the tube, or even just going to bed. Suddenly, Friday night is just another weeknight for us (remember, someone will be getting up at sunrise Saturday to make breakfast, change diapers, and watch the Disney channel. Don't try that with a hangover).

So how then do you keep the fire alive in your marriage? It comes down to small things. Effort. Focus. Dedication. You may have had an easy time before kids finding ways to show your spouse how much they mean to you. Now, you have to dig deep and reserve energy for them. Find a moment in between cleaning vomit and calming a crying child to compliment your significant other on something. Plan an adult outing in advance, but learn that going to a club to drink through the wee hours is probably not an option or even all that appealing anymore.

In my opinion we have altered how we get there, but we still have the same amount of passion in our marriage. It's different now, but somehow still the same. We traded bar night for movie night. Spur of the moment outings with friends for board games and good conversations. Yet we still make it out once in a while to a ball game, a bar, or an outing with friends. It's just that we usually find ourselves going to dinner and drinks that still get us home and in bed before midnight. Things shifted, but didn't dry up.

The takeaway from this I suppose is that you can't lose sight of who you were before you had kids. You will evolve, there will be changes, but fight hard to make sure your spouse still comes first once in a while. Schedule date nights and carry forward that intense love and commitment that lead you to this blissful life you have. Take care of one another and keep the fire burning. Just maybe not so late into the night...

I won't stand for this...

Recently I have switched to a standing desk at work. There was a betting pool started on how long before I would give up and switch back, but I do believe I have already beat the over/under of two weeks.

A while back some people I know started standing desks. There are lots of studies and documentation on the health benefits, you can google for yourself if interested. I have long been concerned about the effect of sitting as much as I do. So, I grabbed one of the wooden desks we use for patron walk up catalog terminals, moved my old desk into storage (just in case I needed it back!) and jumped in.

Lots of curious onlookers have stopped by my desk to ask, "so...how do you like it?" Well, here in a nut-shell (why would anyone put something in a nut-shell anyway?) is my take on the first few weeks of a standing desk:

The Good:

-I don't feel the aches and pains I had from 8 hours a day in a chair. My legs feel less cramped, my shoulders don't ache, and so on.

-I find that standing has caused me to interact with people in the office more. Since I am already up it is easier to move about the office and talk to people instead of lazily firing off an email to someone who is ten feet away. Count that a plus for me, and a minus for the poor saps in my office...

-I can focus more. Distractions are easier to ignore since I feel like I have to complete a task and move on to something else before my feet begin to hurt from standing in one place too long.

-I'm not sure I have experienced any health benefits. Might be too early to give a verdict on that. I have however managed to change the aches and pains, so maybe after some time they may all clear up? Maybe...

The Bad:

-New aches and pains. My feet hurt since I am not used to standing so much. When I worked retail, 10 plus hours a day on my feet was a cake walk. Since I have not done that in seven plus years, I assume I just need to rebuild muscles and strength needed for standing.

-Long tasks require sitting still. If I am involved in something complex and time consuming I need to sit at times. I battle that by having a sitting desk right behind me for breaks and complex work.

-I work in a fishbowl. I have no office door, matter of fact I even share my cubicle with students since we are out of space. Lots of people like to come talk to me about my desk. For me it's not much of a bother since I am social and like to share my experiences anyway, but I don't think I would count this in the "good" column. I did have to make up my mind on whether I wanted to deal with "standing out" in my office. Yeah, I went there...

-Collaboration with office mates can be difficult for them since they have to stand when at my desk. Not my problem really, but something that should be condisdered if you are thinking about trying this.

To recap:
This is not for everyone. Comfy shoes are a must. Give yourself the option to sit, not sure I would stick with this if I couldn't. Be prepared to explain/defend. Save your old desk so you can go back. No shame in trying something only to find out it's not for you. Give it a try! What have you got to lose?

For consideration:
If you have a cheap or free option like I was lucky enough to, just give it a try. No investment. Buying a standing desk is a financial commitment you have to weigh. Not sure where I stand on that...eh, ehem. Well, you get the point.

Make sure you follow good ergonomic guides and put the keyboard/monitors at the correct height to prevent undue strain. Have fun, and I would love to hear from you if you try it, are thinking of trying, or are already standing!

Paterno: Sad and tragic ending, all the way around

***If you have a squeamish stomach and do not want to read about controversy or child abuse, please do not read this article...You have been warned!***



Joe Paterno passed away this week. Some say he died of a broken heart. While I am sad for the Paterno family's loss, I'm pretty sure lung cancer is what got him, which would have happened even if he was never fired.

For those of you living under a rock, here is a recap of what happened over the last few months.
Mike McQueary, (a former player,then assistant coach and grown man), witnessed Jerry Sandusky, (former Defensive coach and then member of a youth outreach program), rape a 10 year old boy in the shower of the Penn State football facility.

McQueary has made several different statements about his actions following this incident, ranging from doing nothing and leaving to physically separating them and leaving. Any way you slice it, not much there to cheer about. Me? I would have beat Sandusky to a bloody pulp, or at least called the police. But that is another matter.

This action was then reported to Paterno the next day. Joe Pa, as he is affectionately known, has also given several accounts of what happened next, anything from reporting "something funny" happened to "maybe a little inappropriate tickling". Who did he report to? The police on campus? The state police? A detective? A prosecutor? Sandusky himself? Nope. The president and athletic director...Hmmm...Protecting a football program? I think so.

So they certainly took appropriate action, right? Nope. Not once was an investigation conducted. No law enforcement called. Not even a ban of Sandusky from the building. Now here is where I start to really get mad.

This incident. The one witnessed by a credible grown man. It was reported to Joe Pa in 2002. TEN YEARS AGO. Sandusky had free reign of this facility and the youth outreach program called Second Mile the whole time. Joe knew this. He knew no action was taken. Then he defended that by saying he was "...hesitant to make follow-up calls because I did not want to be seen as trying to exert any influence for or against Sandusky. I didn't know which way to go, and rather than get in there and make a mistake . . ."

Joe Paterno, a man of high regard. A man with decades on the record of "doing things the right way", was hesitant to get involved on behalf of a raped ten year old boy. Seriously? Get in there, throw your weight around and make sure something is done. No ambiguity, no grey area, no tough call. There is only one clear path forward. The cost of going forward is high, but the cost of not going forward is life changing. I refuse to believe this mighty man, the moral compass of a community and even a nation, had a hard time figuring that out. Only one conclusion can be drawn from this. Paterno did nothing for fear his football legacy would be tarnished.

Now the apologists are saying he got a raw deal. You have to forgive the man of one small mistake and not let that over shadow his decades of good work. To this I say, how can you call it ONE mistake? How can you call it a SMALL mistake? He had ten years to step up and do the right thing. He chose not to, and who knows how many more boys suffered the same fate.

Yes I understand that any one of the people in this story, starting with McQueary, should have stood up and shouted. Joe did not witness this himself which is probably the one thing that saves any grace for him. Yet I can't help but get sick when I hear Joe Pa apologists shout "Look at all the good he did", or "Look how many lives he touched". I can't help but think of the lives he should have touched and didn't.

Everyone deserves forgiveness. We are all human and we all make mistakes. I don't wish to vilify Paterno and suggest that the body of his work is now worthless. What I do wish to point out is simply this. Before you suggest him for sainthood don't forget, the most powerful man in college football history, the most influential man in Penn State, the one who is famous for 'doing things the right way', stood by and did nothing in the most crucial hour. That I will never forget.

God bless the victims and their families. Football is just a game...

Kids say the darndest things

An update to an earlier post about funny things my daughter has said or done.

-I had shaved my face completely clean for the first time in years, possibly the first time since Emily was born. I asked her if she noticed something different about daddy as I stroked my naked chin. "Your whiskers are missing!" The next morning as I lifted her into momma's truck to go to grandmas for the day (I was off work and in my pj's, just a pair of shorts) she pointed to my underarm and excitedly says, "Daddy! Your whiskers are back!"

-We were at a graduation open house and some kids were hitting whiffle balls off a tee. Emily of course wanted a turn and was doing well. I nervously watched on as other kids swung bats, figuring for sure that Emily was about to get cracked in the head. The little boy of some friends of ours, around 5 years old, came to give her a new ball to hit. "No thanks..." said Emily, "I already have one..." and without warning and before I could react she took a big swing at the ball on the tee, connecting perfectly with the little boys forehead. As the boy held his head and cried he asked, "Why did she do that?"

-Emily had backed into the dry sink in the dinning room, smacking her head in the process. I asked her if she cracked her head. "Nope..." she said, "My heads not cracked..."

Unchain my entertainment!

Well, as most of you know I have been looking at dumping Charter for a while now. It began as a search for a cheaper alternative to their internet and television. I did lots of research only to find that you can't really beat their prices and offerings, well not by much anyway.

Satellite has drawbacks:
1) Two year contract to get the good prices

2) Monthly fee to rent a box per T.V.

3) Don't have the same channels as Charter (not a huge loss, but I like a couple that Charter has and Direct/Dish do not)

4) Hard to compare to cable as it's not really apples to apples

5) The cost savings, if you skimp on the offerings, are not tremendous enough to really outweigh the pain in my opinion. Not to mention the ugly satellite bolted to my house and losing the picture whenever it snows...

There are no other Cable providers in my area (AT&T U-Verse has been "coming soon!" for about five years now, and Comcast is not available). Tell me how that is not a monopoly? So if I want basic cable Charter is the best option.

As for internet, well there really is only one option. AT&T DSL. And it's horrible. They have 3mbps speed on special for $19.95 for 1 year. Sounds great, right? Yeah, well then it goes to like $50 after that. Services like Netflix recommend something like 5mbps or better and Charters is 12mbps. Plus you have to buy a $75 starter kit, and get this: They cap your monthly downloads at 150 gig, with an outrageous overage charge! Their claim is that 90% of their customers will never hit that. Oh yeah? When Netflix starts streaming in HD, I bet I hit that in a week...

That brings me to my next point. Why not get most, if not all my entertainment online? I have a Netflix account. That combined with Hulu and other products, I'm all set right? Sure...as long as you don't like live events like sports (the kind you don't find on network TV for free over the air). Uh, BIG problem for me.

If I call Charter and tell them to cancel my cable I would loose all Pistons games (they don't appear on network television due to the fact that they suck), some UofM games (they are on the Big 10 network sometimes), and almost all Red Wing games (they play on Vs and FSN). Not to mention Monday Night Football!

So I am faced with this dilemma. Stick with Charter and continue to pay them $60 a month for crappy tv so I can see my sports, or use an antenna combined with online viewing of tv shows to replace tv, but loose my sports...

Sigh. No easy choice here. If gas doesn't get closer to $3 a gallon (and even if it does we know it won't stay) I may have no choice!

As for the antenna option, well I think I like it. Very tempting. I need to figure out if I can get my stations with a fixed antenna. Then I can hook it into the main coax feed for the house and viola! Free HD tv to all jacks in the house! Then I can utilize the PC attached to my main tv to watch movies on Netflix, and tv shows on Hulu. It would almost be a direct replacement for Charter. There is a device called a Roku box that I can add to my two other tvs (between $50 and $100 per box). This device connects wireless to my home internet network and provides Hulu, Netflix and more straight to the tv! Now I just have to figure out if my other two tv's are DTV ready (meaning, can they get the free over the air HD from the aforementioned antenna on the roof, or do I need a converter box?) and can I live without sports?

Some have suggested to me that I can just go to the local bar to watch the Pistons. Those who know me can understand that the $60 per month I save from canceling Charter would quickly disappear in bar tabs. Not to mention baby sitters (I want to take my wife with me!).

So, my quest continues. The future of television as we know it is very cloudy (cloudy, that's an I.T. joke...never mind). I think you'll see them embrace the online world as a delivery medium more and more in the coming years. Look for the ability to pick and choose a channel or show at a time to subscribe to! I can't wait. Now if only they can get regional sports live online!

One more thing...when I decided I was stuck with Charter internet no matter what (the wife and I both occasionally work from home, not to mention stream music and movies as well as tv) I bought my own modem. Saving the $5 a mo rental fee was going to stick it to Charter! The day the modem arrived ($50 on Amazon) Charter sent us a notice that they were upping the rental fee to $7! Take that corporate greed! lol

From the mouths of babes

Things that come from the mind of a child are often hilarious. Here are a few I can think of that came from Emily, who recently turned three.

-When being told by her mother that she has a cold just like her sister, Emily replied, "No, I have a cold, but Hailey has a warm..."

-When digging through a bag of tools and parts used to assemble a swing she found various tools like wrenches, nuts, and something else. When I asked her what that round thing was she said, "Its a dryer." I stopped to think for a second, then realized, it was a washer...

-At dinner I had a chili pepper that I did not plan to eat. In the interest of seeing me clean my plate Emily asked what that thing was, and whether or not I was going to eat it. I told her it was a chili pepper, and was too spicy to eat. She crossed her arms around herself and said, "Brrrr". Momentarily confused, I realized she thought I meant that the pepper was cold.

-Emily had been struggling with a cough, sore throat, runny nose type cold. One day she walks up to me and very seriously says, "Daddy, I have a very bad feeling..." Oh no, I said, wondering where this was going. "Yeah, and its right here..." she said, pointing to her sore throat.

-The day we brought Hailey home from the hospital Emily was ablaze with excitement. She whisked through the house and beamed when someone suggested she give her baby sister a tour of the house. Emily looked up at momma, who was holding Hailey, as if to say "Put her down so I can show her around". Then she asks, "Can she walk?" Momma had to explain that Hailey was just a little baby, but if Emily lead the tour momma would take her baby sister around to show her the house.

-In the bathtub one day Emily was happily playing with her toys when all of a sudden she stops, gets a devilish grin on her face, then farts. Bubbles role to the surface and she giggled and proudly exclaimed, "I made bubbles!" Good child, as long as it was just bubbles...

-Emily met me at the door when I arrived home from work one day. "Hello daddy!" She said. "Come on in, come meet my friend mommy!" Thanks, but we've met...

-Some friends of ours visited with their kids. Emily and the other little girl hit it off right away. Poor little Gabe was out numbered and tried to hang with the all girls club with mixed results. After he started to play with Emily's sacred stuffed dog named Buddy, Emily went to Gabe's dad and very seriously asked if they could take Gabe home but leave his sister to play.

-Grandpa had been teaching Emily to catch by telling her to "keep your eye on the ball." She grabbed a ball, cocked her arm back, then said "put my eye on the ball" while literally putting the ball on her eye

-When asked what she thought of her new baby sister Emily thought for a moment, then replied "She cries alot..."

-After we carved a pumpkin I put a candle in it and turned the lights out. I asked Emily if she thought the pumpkin looked scary. She said, "He's not scary..." As if to prove it she followed that with, "...and I'm gonna pet him!"

-One day Em and I were looking through pics and I said, isn't momma pretty? She says "momma is old...and pretty" I promplty fell on the floor laughing

-After changing one of Emily's messy diapers she says to me, "there's poopies in there!" Oh yeah? "Yup. And toots too!"

-Emily was being silly so I said, "you're goofy..." She put her hands on her hips and indignantly replied, "I'm not Goofy! I'm just Emily!"

-We were eating dinner and Emily had Cheetos with her Sloppy Joe. Upon realizing that she was out, and seeing that momma had some on her plate, she turns and sticks her hand out and with attitude says, "Can I get one?"

-Sitting in the living room, Emily long since in bed, when Kristy gets hit with a huge sneeze. Suddenly we hear Emily's sweet little voice over the monitor, "Bless you momma!" Guess the living room is not as far from Em's room as we thought!

-Emily, can you find Humpty Dumpty on this page? *scans the book...''There's Humpt Umpty!''

-After suggesting to Emily that she push the train forward, she promptly replied, ''Fiveward!''

The Joys of Parenthood

I have enjoyed being a father. Sure, most days are filled with crying, defiance, messy pants, and lots of other unsavory things, but you know why that doesn't matter? You come home from work and your little girl squeals with delight, comes running over to give you a big hug and tells you she missed you. In moments like that, you know that without a doubt, it's all worth it. *Wipes a tear and sniffles*

The wife and I are constantly faced with new challenges, successes and barriers to success. United we stand, and so far we have been pretty successful. One such success came lately while the kids were visiting grandparents.

The wife and I took a much needed night out to play trivia at the local watering hole when my phone rings. It was my father-in-law. He said, "just thought you would want to know that your eldest daughter just went poopie on the big girl potty!"

I announced this wonderful news aloud to the whole bar. Our table gave a big cheer and we toasted the great news. Laughter, congratulations, and jubilation filled the night for us.

Funny how life changes, huh? I never would have pictured myself here, even though I always felt I wanted kids and a family. Now I can't picture myself anywhere else.

There was a time when the thought of changing a dirty diaper, or soothing a screaming child would have sent shivers of fear and panic through me. Now, one look into the face of my smiling happy two month old turns me to mush. No amount of screaming or soiled pants can overcome that feeling.

We continue to be blessed people. I have a great life.

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