How not to drink alcohol 101

Yesterday at the Lions game at Ford Field, I put on a clinic: How not to drink alcohol 101. Between the Bloody Mary's (of which I had never before partook) and the beer, oh and lets not forget the Captain Morgan, I had a bit too much.

Well, "a bit" would be an understatement. We began the day by tailgating outside in a parking lot. I was offered my first ever Bloody Mary, and I enjoyed it. When the cup was empty (and we're talking a full to the brim 'solo' cup) I was offered a Bud Light. Never one to turn down free drinks, I complied happily.

Just as we were about to leave for the game, the host pleaded for everyone to help finish off the remaining Bloody Mary mix. Again, I was all too happy to comply. Luckily this second drink was shared with my father, who coincidentally had a run in of his own with this same drink at last years game. But as we were about to leave I decided to chug the rest of my Bud Light, oh and the rest of my wife's Bud Light. Necessary? Of course it was! Can't leave it behind, right?

When we arrived at the suite I opened the fridge to be greeted by copious amounts of alcohol. This may have been fine had I stuck to one or the other, but I again decided to partake in Bud Light (no idea how many), only to switch to Captain Morgan. Could I have mixed a small amount in my cup and savored it slowly? Of course, but where is the fun in that? I had what amounted to approximately (and I am approximating, because from that point on the rest of the day was a bit hazy) four shots worth of Captain in two drinks that did not sit out long enough to get warm.

By the time I realized what this all was going to cost me, it was too late. I hid the unopened fifth of Captain under my shirt, and off we went. A few minutes into the car ride home (thankfully my father had the sense to switch to diet pop and guide us home safely) I went from laughing to....uh, oh.

Kristy looked back and noticed the change in my demeanor, and as she recalled later the "look" on my face. She had dad pull over as I opened my door and re-enjoyed the flavor of Bloody Mary, spicy chicken wings, chili dogs, beer and Captain Morgan. Not a good thing.

I then apparently used my cell to login to my Facebook account and leave the following status:
"Randy is mad that capt. n Morgan n the Tampampa Bay Bucaneersrs ruined his Sun aft. noon, but thankfull his wife could drive his drunk a@# hm frm the game!"

(Notice the spelling of Tampa and Buccaneers. Also, capt. n Morgan...lol)

This was followed by several drunk dials to the poor people in my phone book, one of which was in bed getting ready for a 4 AM start to his Monday work day. When I get drunk, please take my phone from me! I was shushing people, and telling them "I think I am in trouble. Kristy is going to be mad! Shhhhhhhh!"

The game was a blast, but I can't believe I did that to myself. I also feel bad that I became a burden on the rest of the group, and I thank my father and wife for getting me home (though I don't remember it).

So, let this serve as a cautionary tale. Never mix, and know your limits! If you don't drink liquor very often, you might want to stay away from it! Just say no! As for me, I am never drinking again! Till next time...

P.S.
Sorry if that was too graphic!

Come on Shoot, hit that hard six!

Casino's never really were all that appealing to me, but recently I have had occasion to visit two of the nicer casino's in Michigan. While I can't say that I am reformed, I will say that my opinion on the value of casino's as a form of entertainment has changed.

I guess I never really got into it because of my conservative fiscal tendencies. If I can buy one refillable coke and share it, I will. If the investment is not guaranteed, don't expect me to hand over wads of hard earned money. So the thought of sticking $20 into a slot machine and walking away with nothing makes me physically ill.

My first ever experience in a casino was in Petosky, MI. I tagged along out of curiosity and boredom, plus I figured it was time to see what all the excitement was about. I sat down at the quarter slots thinking that I could make the entertainment last. Fed the machine my twenty, then four and a half minutes later I was ready to cry when I realized I had no money left. Sure, it was mildly entertaining, what with the whizzers and bells, flashing lights and what not. But for the money I had just spent, I could immediately think of several ways to get much more in return.

Having this as my lone reference point, I was not sure what to think when a friend of ours suggested we hit Turtle Creek Casino a couple weeks back. I told myself to loosen up and go enjoy the sights and sounds, not to mention there was talk of a buffet (who can resist eating three servings of food that might stop your heart on the spot, while causing you to be miserable for the next 24-48 hours as you regret that last helping of bananas foster?).

We walked around and played a few games. The floor was bigger than Petosky and the games seemed better. I took my seat at a video poker machine and gave it a whirl. Max credit, hold the ace, deal. Nothing. Max credit, hold three hearts, deal. Nothing. Money dwindling, the queen seemingly laughing at me. Then, max credit, hold the three jacks, deal. Bam! Full house, and the credits start piling up! I admit, it is quite a rush.

Now I can handle the small time stuff. It has its merits as equal parts fun and opportunity to cash in a decent haul. The table games on the other hand are just not my speed. A friend of mine loves to play craps so much so that, if it weren't socially unacceptable hygienically, I think he might play the same table 48 hours straight. With all the vodka cranberries you can drink, who needs anything but a few bathroom breaks anyway?

I watched this confounding game a few times, and even with some expert tutelage from my friend I think I am more confused now than ever. Terms like "Yo" and "Hard six" in place of "eleven" and "two threes" just make it worse. Not to mention that it moves fast, and there are lots of chips and dice flying every which way. If craps could be played with pennies I suspect it might interest my mathematical and gamesmanship side, but the stakes seem a bit too high for me. My friend has an amazing ability to seemingly always walk away with house money in his pocket, but last Sunday we visited Four Winds in New Buffalo and watched a guy burn through $4,000 dollars only to reach in his pocket and cash in another $500, all the while chanting, "it's gonna come back around." Ouch.

I enjoyed my visits, and especially recommend Four Winds to anyone who likes good food, the largest gaming floor you can imagine, and reasonably priced drinks (my short Long Island was only $3). As for me? I will be back, but not with more than $20 cash on my person, and I am leaving the plastic at home.

Rebuffing my hero

Mitch Albom is sort of a hero to me. Not the kind that saves babies from burning buildings, and I don't think he wears a cape, but he is none the less a man I respect.

I have followed Mitch in the Free Press since I was 10 years old. I used to tape his articles on the Bad Boys (Pistons of the 80's and 90's) to my bedroom wall. He has written books including "Tuesdays with Morrie" and "The Five People you Meet in Heaven". All good reads. He also is a regular on the Sunday morning sports talk show called "The Sports Reporters" hosted by fellow WMU alum John Saunders.

Today when I saw his article on the recent moves by the Detroit Lions I had to disagree. He claims that John Kitna deserved better. See the article here:
http://www.freep.com/article/20081014/COL01/81014093/1082/rss12

And my response:
____________________________________________________________________

Mitch,

I have loved reading your books and columns, followed you since the bad boys era. It pains me to say it, but you are dead wrong on Kitna.

Is he a great guy? No doubt. Hard worker? Unquestionably. Team leader? To be sure. But here is the part you got wrong: John Kitna directly contributed to most of the losses incurred by this team in the last two plus seasons.

How many times did a costly fumble, interception or sack from Kitna cost us a game we should have won? I lost count...How many wide open receivers never got the ball because Kitna could not avoid the rush? Again, too many to count.

Even if you say Kitna is not to blame for this year’s debacle, and I don't think anyone can pin it all on him, there is still one lingering problem. Kitna is not the future of this franchise. I don't care how much you like the guy. We need to move in another direction, and we have two young QB's on the bench who would never see action without moving Kitna.

I applaud the recent moves by the Lions brass. Finally they are showing a commitment to move forward. With Kitna on the field we achieve nothing, even if we win. It is highly doubtful that we can salvage this season and we need to start evaluating what we have for the future.

Now, if your argument is that Kitna deserves better than IR, well I can almost agree with you. However, the best situation for all parties here would have been a trade, and clearly no GM out there was willing to give up any picks or prospects for an aging journeyman QB with back problems (Matt Millen is out of work you know).

From all accounts I have read, the Lions tried to arrange a trade to no avail. The only other option then is to put Kitna on IR. I am sure he would never admit the extent of the damage to his back, and we could not play the wait and see game. It's over for him in Detroit. Take a vacation John, we will see about landing you with another team this off season.

So, thanks Kitna for your time and effort, you are a helluva guy and we wish you the best. But this is a business, and we need to move on. Sorry Mitch, you got that one wrong...

____________________________________________________________________

Americana

Here is a slice of good old Americana. This Sunday we decided to thaw some pork chops and do some grillin (as it turns out, one of the packages we thought was pork chops was actually steak, but hey, that only works in my favor if you ask me).

I don't like to bake meat if I can grill instead, and pan frying anything tends to leave you with something more akin to shoe leather. The only problem is that I had no pork chop grilling recipes or experience. So to the internet I went, and this is what I found:

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4 (3/4 to 1 inch thick) pork chops

1/4 tsp. salt
3/4 tsp. lemon pepper seasoning
1/2 tsp. dried whole oregano

Sprinkle pork chops, with salt, lemon pepper, and oregano. Place chops in 4 to 5 inches from coals. Grill over low to medium hot coals 25 minutes or until the chops are no longer pink, turning once. 4 servings.

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I used a little olive oil with the rub. The result? Mmmmmm...delicious! It was mouthwatering. I of course adjusted the amounts involved due to the fact that we had only two chops and they were not 1'' thick. It took considerably less than 25 minutes to grill them.

The ale you see pictured is the new offering from Anheuser Bush (now owned by a Belgian co. called Inbev by the way, which sort of cheapens the title of this post and their beer). It is a suprisingly good brew all things considered. It is amber in color, has a rich smooth flavor, and sort of reminds me of Killians Irish Red. I don't like a lot of hops in my beer, and it needs to have a nice finish without biting, and this malty caramel goodness does the trick. I am a fan. I shall consume more.

As you look at the picture of our dinner, you may have noticed that the steak looks like pac man is about to eat one of the pork chops. Do not adjust your set, this is just the cut I had to make to be sure that the steak was not still mooing inside. I like mine on the medium rare side and am not afraid of the pink center, but I have on occasion been too quick to pull the meat off the grill, causing it to be a little too bloody for my wife's taste. Since I am not a professional and do not own a meat thermometer, I just cut into the center and peek. Doesn't do much for the visual presentation, but again, I am not a professional.

It was a fantastic weekend for us. Our baby girl is now six months old, I ran in the Campus Classic 5k Saturday, there is a bite in the air, football on tv, steak/chops on the grill and cold beer in the fridge. If that ain't the American dream, I don't know what is...

TIP:
Just a reminder, for those of you who get the automatic e-mail for new posts, don't forget you can see this blog at: http://semicoherentramblingsofamadman.blogspot.com/
Some people did not understand the "Sound of Pure Joy" post because it has a video on the actual blog that did not come through in the e-mail.
Also, there are still a few spots left on the auto e-mail list so if you would like to receive new posts via your e-mail let me know!

The sound of pure joy...

Lately we have been working on getting EmJ to laugh. My wife has been successful to a certain extent getting short quiet bursts out of her here and there, but it required intense effort. I got a giggle once, but nothing sustained, and certainly not spontaneous.

So you can imagine how geeked we were this evening when she laughed histerically. We were sitting on the couch and Emily was watching me play with Cooper, when out of no where she let loose with the best laugh I have ever heard. Seems she has developed a fascination with Coop lately. Her eyes light up when he comes near, and if he is within arms reach she comes up with a handfull of fur.

I think my wife is a Ninja...

Here is my evidence:

1) She can enter and leave a room with quiet swiftness. I swear there are times I thought she was in the other room, so I patiently wait for her to return only to look behind me and find her comfy cozy on the couch. Scary.

2) She reads faster than any human being has a right to. Not sure if this is a Ninja skill or not, but I know she can read a 400 page novel in about half an hour (give or take). That just aint right.

3) When we play puzzle games or fill in the blank type stuff (Think Wheel of Fortune) she knows the answer about five times quicker than anyone else. There was a Wheel puzzle the other day with 20 blanks and one filled in letter, and she yells out "Never in my wildest dreams, duh!". I was like how did you do that? To which she replied, "The category is phrase, hello!". Meanwhile, the contestants get all but two letters filled in, and still guessed wrong. Come to think of it, maybe I need to buy my wife a plane ticket. Do they allow Ninja's on Wheel?

4) Weapon of Choice: Sarcasm. She can quickly diffuse any situation with this wicked instrument of destruction.

5) Swiftly spots all errors made by me. Only a ninja could figure out what it was I was about to do wrong before I even do it. This seems to be pretty consistent, although sometimes I surprise her and fix an error before she catches it. Guess I am her padawan learner (jedi apprentice to the uninitiated), ninja in training.

6) Master of 'the look'. One flash of this look and the recipient knows that my wife is not to be messed with. I assume this look has been crafted over the years in preparation for raising our daughter, whom I assume will test our patience often.

7) Cooking without a cookbook. Often Mother Hubbard's Cupboard is bare, and we are down to a random collection of materials with which to make a meal. My wife does not see this as a problem. She once turned a lemon, some garlic seasoning, a couple artichoke hearts and some cheese into a gourmet meal. Seriously, some of her 'inventions' are so good I request them again. I now intentionally purchase random ingrediants at the grocery store just so that she will experiment in the kitchen. The draw back to this ninja skill is the abuse my waistline takes, but I am willing to sacrifice.

What are you lookin at?

***Update: Well, this post was written on my Treo and apparently when you choose "save", it posts your unfinished ramblings and e-mails everyone! I have since updated and corrected my late night grammar and spelling mistakes.***

It is that time of the year again, season premiers of all your favorite tv shows. I don't watch much tv, that is to say I don't keep up on specific shows. Never have. My tv is typically on ESPN or something like History or Discovery channels. Seems to me that sitcoms and drama's have been pretty dull compared to ten years ago.

I do however think that a few shows have proven worthy of tuning into, so here is a list of what I am looking forward to this fall (only counting major networks):

1) New Adventures of Old Christine - I was not a Seinfeld fan, and never really noticed Julia Louis Dreyfus before, but this show is Hi-Double-Arious. Wanda Sykes is brilliant with her dry wit, and the rest of the cast is spot on (including one of my favorites from the movie VanWilder, who plays "New Christine"). Watching Dreyfus shimmie shake her shoulders in an effort to be sexy at the supermarket and attract a man is very amusing.

2) Big Bang Theory - In the age where geek is chic, this one really amuses me. Last year I was hooked when Sheldon dressed as the Doppler Effect for Halloween. Plus, I love any show that works in a bit about Schrodinger's cat (Quantum Physics theory about a cat that is simultaneously alive and dead). Is this show dead or alive? Guess we will have to look to find out!

3) How I met your mother - Neil Patrick Harris (of Doogie Howser fame) is so funny as Barney, the morally challenged "wing man" who loves to "suit up" and hit the bar. The show is based on a father recalling the days of his youth to his children, leading up to of course how he met their mother. Have we already meet the mother, or is she being saved for the series finale? A group of 20 something friends gather at their favorite watering hole and hi jinks ensue. Good stuff.