A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Happily Ever After...Part III

We continue with the series of my semi-auto biographical memoir-ish story of my life as I recall it...

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Happily Ever After


Part III:

We were all hanging out at the girls' favorite spot, the pool hall known as Ques-n-Brews. On the way back to the apartment, we were sitting in the back seat together, and she put her hand on my knee. Subtle, I know. But it was huge to me. I had been playing it cool, not wanting to push and scare her off, and not wanting to end up with just another empty relationship. It turns out, that was the only way this would have happened.

One night early on in the relationship, Kristy had made it clear to me what she thought of men. It was not pretty. I wanted to crawl into a hole, after first apologizing on behalf of my sex...morons. It seems that she had been through quite a lot of creeps, idiots, and downright jerks on her journey to me. I already looked great in comparison, but it was clear that she was not ready to have another relationship.

She was nothing like anyone I had ever met. She held a power over me so great that I would have back stroked my way across Lake Michigan just to spend five minutes with her. I was fascinated by her, and in awe of her intelligence. She had the world so figured out. She knew what she was all about.

Suddenly I had a reason to straighten myself out. I wanted to be with her, but I knew there was no way she would give me a second thought if I didn’t make some changes. I had to get a job, figure out this debt problem, and stop acting like a fool. Most importantly, I had to decide who I was as a person. What my values were.

Our first official date happened in May of 2001. I was back in Adrian visiting my folks over at my Aunt and Uncles house, Lonnie and Jim. I called Kristy and told her I was going to be passing by her place and wondered if she would like to hang out. This phone call brought much amusement to my family and they gave me the obligatory, “Oooooh, Randy has a date!” tease.

It was a double date of sorts, with my wife’s best friend and her brother who was in town from Penn St. I met everyone in my wife’s Battle Creek apartment. We went mini golfing and had lunch at the Big Boy on the corner. I was still playing it safe and not pushing things. I think she started to wonder if I would ever make a move. This would be evident on the next visit.

I visited her at her apartment a while later and it was starting to become obvious that there was interest on both sides, but again I was playing it safe. I had already gained so much from an intellectual sense and I did not want to screw anything up. As I was getting ready to say goodbye and head to Kalamazoo, Kristy asked me what I was waiting for.

We stood at my car in the parking lot of her apartment and I started to get in when she looked at me and sort of nonchalantly said, “So, are you ever going to kiss me or what?” I could not back down now, but I was nervous after being put on the spot. I leaned over to kiss her, gave her a sort of peck on the lips, the kind normally reserved for relatives, then I climbed in my car and sped off.

“You idiot!” I thought to myself on the drive home. I knew I had just blown it. No way would she be interested in me now.

Let me get back to a concept I touched on earlier. I was feeling down about myself and I had just ended my engagement, although I had not really a clear idea as to why. Something told me it was the right thing for me to do, but if someone wanted a quick one line explanation, I could not have given it to them.

Things were fine on the surface. We got along well. No fighting to speak of. Yet, something was stirring within me. I was about to commit the rest of my life to this woman, and I needed to be sure that was what I wanted. I didn’t want to lose her, but I was never completely sure that I wanted to be with her. I owed her for helping me out of my shell, but something just felt off.

Throughout my life I had always done what other people told me I should do. Most of my childhood was spent doing anything I could to please loved ones. I hardly ever got out of line. Sure, I had a problem focusing in school sometimes, but I was a kid. When I met Hollie, I was all too eager to please.

If she wanted to go somewhere I went. If she wanted us to buy something, we bought it. If there was a party…you get the idea. I had to perfect the art of excuses and sometimes downright lies to my parents in an effort to keep up with her. Later my brother would describe this syndrome as being “hooked on the cat”.

Naturally, when Hollie decided it was time that we got married, I was all too happy to go along with it. Granted, I had some reservations, but she soon overcame those. More like, beat me into submission with endless talk and visits to the jewelry store to pick out the ring. So one day, I just bought it. Right there in the mall, just outside of Zales Jewlers, I got on one knee and asked her to marry me. That ought to buy me some time I thought.

We began the tour. Visiting everyone we knew to show off the ring. I remember clearly when we caught up with my parents eating lunch with Uncle Jim and Aunt Lonnie in a pub called “Mr. Ed’s” in downtown Adrian.

“We have an announcement” I said. There was a large deep breath in and a long pause of dead silence. The look on my parents face was one of disguised shock. You could sort of read their thoughts. “Were smiling so you know we are happy for you, but what are you doing?”

Aunt Lonnie was the first to break the silence. She stood up and hugged us both. We sat down and finished the meal with them. Something just felt wrong to me, but I did not know what it was. Still, I felt like there was a long time between the ring and the isle, so I would figure out what was bothering me in due time.

At this point, I came to two distinct conclusions. The first was made clear that next summer when I was back from college working for a government funded youth work skills training program. A girl with a short skirt had caught my eye. I resisted as much as I could, not wanting to hurt my fiancé, but I longed to experience what life had to offer. I am not proud of myself, but I just had to investigate further. Soon I became the type of person I detested. I was sneaking out at night to meet this new girl. I could not help myself. I never slept with her, although I wanted to.

The second thing was me. I did not know who I was outside of my relationship with Hollie. I had supplanted other people’s values and desires for my own. I never really sat and thought, “What do I want out of life?” Once I did that, I knew that I needed to distance myself from her if I was ever going to find an answer.

It was a tough transition to make. I hated to hurt her, but I had to find out who I was. Maybe my future did involve her, and if it did then I would end up back with her. If it didn’t, then I would have been doing her, myself and our families a huge disservice by staying put and preparing for a wedding I did not even really want.

So, that fall, as we drove back to Western with our belongings in tow, I told Hollie it was over...

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