A while back there was an article in Esquire by one of my favorite fiction/opinion authors Tom Chiarella (fiction editor for Esquire). It was called "The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master". It had some interesting things in it, some of which I know how to do, some not so much. Others were a little off the wall, and I think he was just going for entertainment or fluff to fill the "75".
Regardless, there are a few things that I have attempted to master in my life, and I shall spew a few tips and techniques here. Lets start with one of the manliest.
Man Skill #1: Working on cars
It is something that has always been a part of my life, wrenching on things in the garage with my dad. What could be more manly than trying to squeeze a few extra horses out of a 5.0 liter engine? *Manly grunting sound*. Now, it is not really all that necessary for every man to be able to correctly adjust the timing on a 1968 Windsor small block 302, or to know that most of those engines were actually built in Cleveland, OH. It is however, in my humble opinion, necessary for every man to know how to do general maintenance on their vehicle.
Change the air filter, don't let the quick oil change shop charge you $20 to replace a $5 filter. For that matter, change the oil yourself. Top off the fluids, rotate the tires, change a flat tire. These are the bare minimums of auto ownership. Personally, I replace brake pads, dead fuel pumps (in and out of the tank), serpentine belts, alternators and more.
Man skill #2: Master the grill
This is crucial. Say you are having a party and everyone is hanging out, getting hungrier by the minute. You fire up the grill and nervously stack the meat, wondering if it will turn out more like shoe leather than a juicy, delicious, tender steak. Poking at the meat until it seems "done enough", you pull it off too early or too late. Not good.
To grill the perfect steak is more art than science, but it is something that can be mastered with practice. Here is how I do it: Start with good meat. A nice marinade or grilling salt will help as well. Heat the grill as hot as it can get. Pop the steak on and let the grill sear the meat. This will lock in the juices. Let it sit for about 30 seconds, then give it a 1/4 turn. This will give it the "x" style professional grill marks. Flip and repeat. Next, turn the heat down and slowly cook the steaks. Roughly five minutes per side, depending on how done you want it and thickness of the steak. Do not poke, smush, or mutilate the meat in any fashion. Close the lid! "If you're looking, you ain't cookin!" They make handy thermometers that will tell you internal temp and how done it is. To see my last article on grilling, which subsequently prompted my dad to get me a meat thermometer, look in the archives for the post entitled "Americana" or click here:
Man Skill #3: Tie a tie
This may sound simple, but it goes a long way when dressing to impress. There are several types of knots you can choose from, and styles have varied greatly over the years. Recently the wide knots style like the Windsor or my personal favorite the Four in Hand have made a comeback. Please don't tie a skinny tie, wear a piano keyboard design, or use a clip on. To learn the Windsor, click here:
Man Skill #4: Kill spiders
Man up. This is our job fellas. I know some people that freak out when confronted by a spider...Ehhhhmmm, names withheld to protect the innocent. Granted, no one really wants to get bug guts all over, but however you do it you will be considered a hero to those in the room. My personal favorite is the quick and deadly approach. Grab a tissue to keep it clean and save those around you from the horror of spider juice on the wall. Move swiftly and directly. Catch the spider and smash it. Be sure not to let it escape as this will cause pandemonium. Remove the spider from the room ASAP.
Man Skill #5: Start a fire with twigs and a Bic
Nothing is more manly than the ability to start a blazing camp fire with out assistance from what my dad calls boyscout fire starter fluid (usually gasoline or lighter fluid). Find small dry twigs and snap them up into a pile on top of some dry grass or pine needles (these will take off fast and easy, but won't burn for long). Build a tee-pee of small dry sticks around that, making sure that the flames from the twigs will reach the larger wood. This allows for the three main elements of fire; air, heat, and fuel, to thrive. Light the grass and twigs and gently blow on them until they are burning without help. Continue to feed it more twigs and grass until the sticks begin burning. Progressively add larger sticks and logs to the tee-pee until you have a large enough fire to not need constant attention.
Optional: Bust out the guitar and sing kumbaya. Loads of fun, just add beer.
Now I know that this article might come off as sexist. I am not suggesting that any of these things could not or should not be done by women. In fact, my wife could probably tell you more about your car than I can. However, limiting and sexist as it may sound, I still feel like these things fall mostly on the mans shoulders, and to be a mans man, these are skills you should master. If you don't already know all of these things, put the purse down and man up!
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