Random thoughts

So, I realize I have not posted to this blog in quite some time. Some of you may have suspected that I have become seriously ill, or worse. However, the rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.

Having said that, I have no particular subject to rant about today, so here goes more of my infamous stream of consciousness rambling (read the title of this blog, not surprising, right?).

I am misunderstood...

I suspect all of us feel this way from time to time. You say something, and you get a totally surprising reaction. You think, what went wrong? How could I have been so misunderstood? This has happened to me more often than I care to admit lately, and it is a disturbing trend.

I have recently been called conceited, self righteous, cocky, and verbose (this last complaint usually lodged as "you use big words too much"). Some of these sting. Some are pretty accurate. Some are right on. I wonder though, how I can be so misunderstood?

I don't feel conceited. I can't imagine anyone would openly admit to being so. It's not a good thing, and if I ever felt conceited I would quickly change things around. So what is it that I am doing that causes this perception? Some have tried to explain that I am confident, and that sometimes can come off as conceited.

So, I have lately fretted endlessly about what I say and how I act. I am constantly in my own head trying to filter myself to prevent people from taking things the wrong way. This leads me to a maddening second guessing of myself with every move, and I have decided to say screw it! I am me, take it or leave it, as my wife always says. I hope that those who truly know me would understand that I am not cocky, I don't feel superior to those around me (ironically, it is usually the exact opposite) and I am not intentionally trying to sound smarter than my audience.

That leads us to the verbose problem. I have a fascination with words (see my reference to a Haberdashery early in this blogs infancy). Yes, maybe I am guilty of having a word of the day application on my home page, maybe I do read complicated books, maybe I do use words in my daily language that don't appear in the everyday mans' common vernacular (oooops, did it again). So what. It's not on purpose. I'm not trying to insult you by purposely using words that are over your head. I just enjoy communicating (your honor, the defense submits as exhibit A, this blog).

I use words that tickle my fancy. Words that I have heard, or read, or been fond of for some reason or another. Words that help me, at least in my mind, make my message clearer and more concise. For example, some say things like the apple don't fall far from the tree. I might say that the rosy fruit with seeded womb has succumb to the effects of newtons law, coming to rest not far from whence it came. Ok, maybe not, but I think you get my point. I just like to have fun with it.

There, how's that for a rant? Did I persuade you that I am indeed humble and not conceited, or did I make it worse? Oh well. As Theodor Seuss Geisel (A.K.A. Dr. Seuss) once said, ''those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

I hope the new year finds you happy and healthy!

http://semicoherentramblingsofamadman.blogspot.com/

Dear Mr. President, (no, not that one)

Ok, so I may be alone on this one, but I hate when people wear other universities logos on our campus. Especially when it is a staff or faculty member! So, imagine my dismay when I opened a campus newsletter where there is a section highlighting the achievements of some faculty members, and in one of the photos a faculty member is wearing a University of Miami (FL) hat! (no offense to my FL friends and family).

I only have one dress code rule to my minions (students and staff who were unfortunate enough to draw me as their supervisor): No university logos other than ours!

This seems to happen all to often, so I went overboard and sent my rant in e-mail form to WMU's president, John M. Dunn. Too much? Maybe. You be the judge. Here is the letter and his response:

>>> 9/11/2009 10:28 AM >>>
Dr. Dunn,
I am a proud member of the WMU community as a full time staff
member of the University Libraries. I have been a staunch supporter
of our University since joining this community as a student in 1997.
I have seen some highs and lows on this campus in those many years,
and I feel like right now we are poised to shoot up to new heights.
Let me first say that I appreciate the job you have done since
taking over for the late great Deither H. Haenicke. Moral seems to
be up, the profile of the university is up, and things seem to be
heading in the right direction.

I have somewhat of an axe to grind and I am wondering if my topic
might be on your radar. My issue is with members of our WMU family
(students, staff, and faculty alike) wearing apparel from other
universities, especially while representing WMU to the greater
community. Case in point, when reading the Western News September 10
edition, I see on page three a nice paragraph highlighting the
achievements of one of our own faculty members, Mr. G. Micheal
Grammer. In the picture provided Mr. Grammer is wearing a hat from
the University of Miami (FL).

This strikes me as rather odd. If I worked for Pizza Hut, I
wouldn't show up wearing a Dominos hat. Not to mention that Pizza
Hut does not recruit employees in direct competition with Dominos. I
don't think that Mr. Grammer had ill intent while choosing his head
wear, and most of our WMU family don't even realize the implications
of wearing another universities logo. They may have grown up in a
household that lived for watching another universities football
team, or maybe a parent or sibling attends this other university.

However, I think it sends a bad message to our students when even
the faculty seem to hold other institutions above our own. I think
WMU tends to struggle with national recognition, branding, image,
and credit. We are a world class university, yet our logo is no more
recognizable to the world than that of a small town community
college.

It is my belief that a strong message of support for wearing and
promoting the WMU brand come from your office. I would also like to
see a policy that mandates all university employees wear only WMU
logo apparel while at work or representing WMU in public. Especially
printed materials such as news papers. Don't we offer free head
shots to all staff? Seems like Mr. Grammers picture was taken from
his facebook account.

I have also noticed a large number of freshman coming to campus
with their favorite university apparel. Again, there is nothing
wrong with supporting other universities, in fact we should partner
with them to strengthen our impact on society. I would however like
to see some sort of initiative to get students to buy into being a
Bronco. Some program that would encourage them to retire other
university wear. Maybe give a discount or a one for one trade for
Bronco gear. Turn in your UofM shirt, get a free Bronco shirt!
Promote us, and encourage esprit de corp at the same time.

I hope I don't come off as some curmudgeon, and I thank you for
taking the time to review my rant. If nothing else, I at least feel
better for having voiced my concern. I will share with you one final
observation. As I walked through Sangren Hall the other day I was
shocked to see a custodian dutifully mopping the floor while wearing
a Notre Dame hat. Should that not have been a Bronco hat?

Thank you, and keep up the good work!


--


Sincerely,
Randall S James

Server Administrator
University Libraries
Western Michigan University
o: (269) 387-5038
c: (269) 720-2312
Randall.James@wmich.edu

The response:

Randall:

Thank you for your note. I concur 100% with your comments.
Whenever I see one of our students wearing a hat or t-shirt from
another school, I stopped and kid them about "our place" and the
need to demonstrate pride. I also reinforce faculty and staff for
showing the "colors". Please be assured that I will continue to
do so.

Enjoy the weekend,

John

John M. Dunn
President
Western Michigan University
Office of the President
3065 Seibert Administration
Kalamazoo, MI 49008
Office: 269-387-2351
Fax: 269-387-2355
Email: john.dunn@wmich.edu

Not exactly a ringing endorsement of my harsh but needed policy, but hey, I'll take it. At least he agrees with me. Not that it will do much good, but I feel better about it!
Go Broncos!

By the way, we refer to the University of Miami followed by (FL) to designate it as the Hurricanes due to the University of Miami in Ohio. The latter being a school in our athletic conference. Not sure why the larger Miami institution needs the state designation, but that is the way they do it on ESPN, so it has to be correct...

Man Skillz

A while back there was an article in Esquire by one of my favorite fiction/opinion authors Tom Chiarella (fiction editor for Esquire). It was called "The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master". It had some interesting things in it, some of which I know how to do, some not so much. Others were a little off the wall, and I think he was just going for entertainment or fluff to fill the "75".

Regardless, there are a few things that I have attempted to master in my life, and I shall spew a few tips and techniques here. Lets start with one of the manliest.

Man Skill #1: Working on cars
It is something that has always been a part of my life, wrenching on things in the garage with my dad. What could be more manly than trying to squeeze a few extra horses out of a 5.0 liter engine? *Manly grunting sound*. Now, it is not really all that necessary for every man to be able to correctly adjust the timing on a 1968 Windsor small block 302, or to know that most of those engines were actually built in Cleveland, OH. It is however, in my humble opinion, necessary for every man to know how to do general maintenance on their vehicle.

Change the air filter, don't let the quick oil change shop charge you $20 to replace a $5 filter. For that matter, change the oil yourself. Top off the fluids, rotate the tires, change a flat tire. These are the bare minimums of auto ownership. Personally, I replace brake pads, dead fuel pumps (in and out of the tank), serpentine belts, alternators and more.

Man skill #2: Master the grill
This is crucial. Say you are having a party and everyone is hanging out, getting hungrier by the minute. You fire up the grill and nervously stack the meat, wondering if it will turn out more like shoe leather than a juicy, delicious, tender steak. Poking at the meat until it seems "done enough", you pull it off too early or too late. Not good.

To grill the perfect steak is more art than science, but it is something that can be mastered with practice. Here is how I do it: Start with good meat. A nice marinade or grilling salt will help as well. Heat the grill as hot as it can get. Pop the steak on and let the grill sear the meat. This will lock in the juices. Let it sit for about 30 seconds, then give it a 1/4 turn. This will give it the "x" style professional grill marks. Flip and repeat. Next, turn the heat down and slowly cook the steaks. Roughly five minutes per side, depending on how done you want it and thickness of the steak. Do not poke, smush, or mutilate the meat in any fashion. Close the lid! "If you're looking, you ain't cookin!" They make handy thermometers that will tell you internal temp and how done it is. To see my last article on grilling, which subsequently prompted my dad to get me a meat thermometer, look in the archives for the post entitled "Americana" or click here:

Man Skill #3: Tie a tie
This may sound simple, but it goes a long way when dressing to impress. There are several types of knots you can choose from, and styles have varied greatly over the years. Recently the wide knots style like the Windsor or my personal favorite the Four in Hand have made a comeback. Please don't tie a skinny tie, wear a piano keyboard design, or use a clip on. To learn the Windsor, click here:

Man Skill #4: Kill spiders
Man up. This is our job fellas. I know some people that freak out when confronted by a spider...Ehhhhmmm, names withheld to protect the innocent. Granted, no one really wants to get bug guts all over, but however you do it you will be considered a hero to those in the room. My personal favorite is the quick and deadly approach. Grab a tissue to keep it clean and save those around you from the horror of spider juice on the wall. Move swiftly and directly. Catch the spider and smash it. Be sure not to let it escape as this will cause pandemonium. Remove the spider from the room ASAP.

Man Skill #5: Start a fire with twigs and a Bic
Nothing is more manly than the ability to start a blazing camp fire with out assistance from what my dad calls boyscout fire starter fluid (usually gasoline or lighter fluid). Find small dry twigs and snap them up into a pile on top of some dry grass or pine needles (these will take off fast and easy, but won't burn for long). Build a tee-pee of small dry sticks around that, making sure that the flames from the twigs will reach the larger wood. This allows for the three main elements of fire; air, heat, and fuel, to thrive. Light the grass and twigs and gently blow on them until they are burning without help. Continue to feed it more twigs and grass until the sticks begin burning. Progressively add larger sticks and logs to the tee-pee until you have a large enough fire to not need constant attention.
Optional: Bust out the guitar and sing kumbaya. Loads of fun, just add beer.

Now I know that this article might come off as sexist. I am not suggesting that any of these things could not or should not be done by women. In fact, my wife could probably tell you more about your car than I can. However, limiting and sexist as it may sound, I still feel like these things fall mostly on the mans shoulders, and to be a mans man, these are skills you should master. If you don't already know all of these things, put the purse down and man up!

Location: Happily ever after

So I realize I have become a bit fixated on sappy love and happiness stuff of late, but it tends to be at the forefront of my conscience.Today marks the 5 year anniversary of our wedded lives so I am feeling sappy and nostalgic. Deal with it!

I continue to be amazed at the phenomenon that I have touched on previously. That being that no matter how 'on top of it' or 'in touch' you think you are, life has a funny way of showing you that you haven't got a clue.

When I look back at my relationship with my wife I am impressed with how it grows. Five years is sort of modest, yet in one sense it is also pretty impressive (given the divorce rate and quickie marriages).

I love how strong our bond is, and even though we have been together for 8 years (3 dating, 1 engaged, 5 married) we still love to spend time together.We are blessed to be best friends as well as partners. Seems like even given the vast amount of time spent together we can still come up with things to do and talk about. However, there are still things about my wife I may never know or understand.

If someone were to ask me, and I know you didn't, 'what's the secret to a happy marriage post honeymoon phase?' I would say a big part of it is this: effort. Both have to be willing to put in the work. You have to try hard to keep things fresh and interesting. Don't be afraid to try new things, reach out, demand the best, and most importantly know what you want and expect.

Anyone who read my semi-auto biography knows that years ago I learned it is impossible to be part of a successful couple until you can be a successful you. Until you know who you are.

All couples eb and flow. We have our ups and downs, and raising a daughter, while incredibly rewarding and worthwhile, makes it infinitely harder. But in those struggles you are reminded of what is most important to you and you work that much harder. Push for better.

I guess what I am saying is nothing goes according to plan. Even the best laid plans of mice and men go astray as John Steinbeck would remind us. But if you are willing to work hard you can end up with more than you ever dreamed possible.

A big key to a marriage is the ability to sit and talk for hours about nothing...or sit for hours and not talk. You each need to have your own interests and be able to just be content by being together.

I am no expert, and even though my wife calls me 'Dr. Phil' I am just drawing conclusions and sharing what is on my mind.

I can assure you though that no matter who you are, or what length relationship you are in, success starts with you. Resolve today to strive for more, it is never too late and you deserve it!

(Editors note: This was written at a bar after drinks with no spell check on a cell phone. Take it for what its worth!)

Randomness

Well, I have been certainly peppering this blog with posts lately. Seems I have renewed my zest. Here are a couple of thoughts I have this morning, in no particular order:

Jon & Kate + 8 = Does not add up. I am so sick of hearing about this family. At least they have taken the nations eyes off of the Octomom for a minute, but stop peppering me with the 'Drama' of the supposedly failing marriage between two people that never seemed to like each other very much anyway. Seriously, have you ever seen them? He is a bumbling idiot, and she has very little tolerance for him.

Now here is my problem, they are crying that the TV show is ruining their lives and invading their privacy. What? You seemed happy as a clam to let them in when the marriage was 'working' and don't tell me the $70k per episode they are paying you is not helping you swallow this bitter pill. By my count, they are well into the $4 million dollar range already, enough to end the show and raise all 8 kids comfortably for the rest of their lives.

It always grinds me when b-list, reality 'star' celebs start crying that their shows are ruining their lives. What did you expect? Having even one child puts a strain on even the strongest relationships, let alone multiple sets of multiples. Now you want to toss in some cameras and allow the world to watch? Have you never seen another reality show and how messed up the people are after it ends? Smells of greed and made up drama to me. Did I mention that the season premier drew a record audience once people heard that Jon was supposedly stepping out on poor Kate? Hmmmmm.....

If you really care, end the show, kick out the cameras and heal the wounds of your relationship. As always, my biggest concern with these types is that they are hurting the kids by being so reckless, but luckily these kids are young enough and seem to be enjoying themselves so there should not be any long term pain. That is unless the couple splits...divorce can get ugly. Who gets the 16 passenger van?

Next, I see that President Barrack Obama has made an appeal to the Muslim world to 'Start over'. He suggests that people the world over stand up and confront the radical extremists. While I applaud the president in his efforts, and I believe we really need some world collaboration against terror, I just don't see any sort of peaceful or short end to this problem.

The biggest issue is this; the terrorists are not asking for anything. That's right, they don't want land, they don't want money, they don't even want an apology. They just want to kill all infidels. How do you 'confront' that? What do you say to someone who has repeatedly demonstrated a willingness to kill you and or die trying? Confronting them is a good way to get dead, and getting dead will seriously hamper your efforts to end terrorism. Seems to me the only way to handle them is with the business end of a stealth drone aircraft armed with smart stingers...

Ah ha! Therein lies the problem then! When we kill them, we stoop to their level and prove their point. Our aggression only serves to strengthen their resolve and bolster their recruiting. This needs to be a smart war waged with diplomatic cunning and economic crushings (ie; cut off the money supply to the terrorists).

I do think that most people have incorrectly and unfairly labeled the Muslim world. It is not the Muslims as a whole who are doing this, but a relatively small subset of militant extremists devoid of logic and compassion. Don't judge the group based on the actions of a few.

I wish our Prez the best of luck, but he has a tall order.

...cold drink in hand

Part II of our vacation...

We hit Ft. Lauderdale beach at night for some drinks on the beach. While driving down the avenue before dark I remarked how it was too bad we would not be seeing a sunset. Kristy remarked something to the effect that it was too cloudy to see the sunset, knowing full well of course that the sun sets in the west and we were on the east coast, but it was too late. Kristy's gaffe was cemented. "Why is it we can't see a sunset on the east coast again Kristy?"

As we sat enjoying a cool breeze and some drinks, I mentioned the buoy at the edge of the swimming area was a nice touch. Chris corrected me and let me know that it was not a buoy, but a diving flag marking the spot where a diver was under the waves. I looked again and let him know I sure thought it looked like a buoy, but he insisted and I deferred to him given his status as a local.

The next day we hit Ft. Lauderdale beach for some fun in the sun. We took the water taxi on the intercoastal waterway and got off at Fat Tuesdays. The trip down the intercoastal was surreal. There were houses that were just redicerous. Some in the $100 million range. Our tour guide ticked off the listing prices and history of the area, not to mention the litany of famous people who owned them. Then there were the yahcts. Don't even get me started! One was a $14 mil ship given to a daughter as her 16th birthday present. We noticed a “for sale” sign on it, and just up the way was her new $30 mil beast. Seems the first was just not big enough. Chris at this point was actually starting to get mad. He kept saying, "look at that freaking house", only he didn't say "Freakin" (sorry, this is a family show).

So there we sat on the deck of Fat Tuesdays, overlooking A1A and counting the number of $70k and up cars that drove by. As Brandie glanced out over the water, guess what she saw? The diving flag turned out to be a buoy! We had some fun at Chris's expense for a while on this one! Gaffe number 2 for Chris...

After losing count of the expensive cars because there were too many to keep track of (seriously, I think Ft. Lauderdale has the largest amount of high priced cars per capita in the world), we headed down the beach to the world famous Elbow Room. I headed down to the beach and stuck my toes in the ocean. Can you believe I was the only one from our group to do that?

We had dinner at a couple of great restaurants, one was an Italian place called Buchas. This place was awesome! They took us through the kitchen on our way to our table (there was a table right in the kitchen as well, just in case you wanted to watch them make your dinner). The portions were massive. They had a "regular" and a "large" and it tells you right on the menu that regular feeds two and large feeds four. They were not kidding. I kept calling the place Bohica's which is an acronym for Bend Over Here It Comes Again.

The rest of the week was filled with relaxation by the pool, more fantastic meals at great restaurants and good times with good friends. Sadly, all good things must come to an end, so we boarded our plane and headed for Michigan. We were sad to leave, but looking forward to getting home to see our precious baby girl.

So, while I think that Ft. Lauderdale is the strip mall capital of the world, and the pace of life is a little faster than I would like, they make a strong case for being one of my favorite places in the world. Not quite ready to leave my beloved four seasons behind just yet, but you never know what the future holds.

Oh, and I bet I committed a verbal gaffe at some point, but that is the power of being the blogger, I don't have to remember what I did wrong! Also, Chris who normally does not get caught with many gaffes committed a record three whoppers this week. The crown jewel came when I was explaining what happens when I drink too much caffeine, I get heart palpitations. To which Chris responded, "You have a virgin baby circulatory system!" What? To be fair, he meant it to have a pause between virgin and baby, clearly not intending to link virginity to babies, but that did not stop us from ripping him for this one. So, virgins have week hearts huh?

Thanks so much Chris and Brandie for having us, and for the grandparents who split time taking care of our kids as well as the siblings who looked after pets. We had a blast, and hope to be back again soon!

Toes in the sand...

A couple weeks ago my wife and I had the privilege of visiting South Florida, and seeing some good friends of ours. Chris and Brandie are renting a nice little bungalow just outside of Ft. Lauderdale while they get re-acclimated to the area and look for a place to call their own.

These are our good friends who had moved to West Michigan for three years to be with his family and opened two franchise sandwich shops. Things did not work out, and they were sort of left holding the bag, so they moved back to where they belonged, close to family and out of the cold (lucky for us we get to visit!).

Here is part I of our week long visit:

It was so good to catch up with our friends and see a part of the state we had never been to, south and east. Man was it beautiful! The trip started with Brandie giving us a tour of the famous highway A1A, A.K.A. Beach Front Avenue (this is a line in one of Kristy's favorite rap songs from Vanilla Ice called "Ice Ice Baby"--That block was dead Yo, so I continued to a1a beachfront ave. We sang that the rest of the week).

We almost died twice in traffic, but were saved by Brandies expert South FL driving skills. People are crazy down there! We also noticed that there were no parking spots to be had, so we hit up one of Chris's favorite spots called Ricky's and had some wings and a cold beverage.

That night we got to see the restaurant that Chris manages called Anthony's Coal Fire Pizza. I highly recommend it! Great wings and pizza with a high class atmosphere at a budget friendly price.
http://www.anthonyscoalfiredpizza.com/
After he got home we went to a bar called Big Dawgs where the girls had something that resembled nachos...blech.

The next day we were up early and off to see the Keys. Man what a beautiful place. The ride down was long, but entertaining as we started in with our usual catching of each other in verbal gaffes (the most infamous and perhaps the one that started our obsession with teasing each other for gaffes was the first one ever two years ago. It was Brandie and it involved Bill Parcels, but it is not fit to print here). Chris was the first one caught. As he excitedly chronicled the history of the Key's he began to tell us how at least 50 presidents had visited. There was a moment of silence, then Kristy nailed him, "Uh, Chris, isn't Obama the 44th president?" The rest of the trip was filled with, "This is nice, and I’ll bet all 50 presidents enjoyed it!"

The houses were amazing, the atmosphere laid back, the water the most gorgeous colors of blues and greens I have ever seen (that includes Cancun, Jamaica, North Carolina and other parts of Florida). Our first stop was at Kokomo, as the Beach Boys would tell you, "In the Florida Keys, there's a place called Kokomo. That's where we wanna go, to get away from it all."

It was "Bartenders Bash", a sort of spring break for the service industry people who were working serving drinks to the spring breakers a couple weeks before. There were painted on bathing suits, beads, sun and sand. What a way to unwind. The free beer stopped flowing early, so we "Kept on pursuing to the next stop", Key West!

What can I say about Key West? Well, Chris put it this way; it's like New Orleans without the smell. I have never been to NOLA, so I will defer to Chris, but man is this a great place. Duval St was the place to be. All of the bars had an open air feel, there was music being played by guys with guitars, the drinks were flowing, and the sun was shining. We had conch fritters and peel-n-eat shrimp at our first stop, Sloppy Joe's. Mmmmm delish!

As we were leaving I still had a beer in my hand. Not knowing the rules I thought I would head for the door and see what would happen. Sure enough, somebody stopped me. As I started to hand my beer over the man at the door stuck out a plastic cup. "Here is a cup to take your beer to go!" What? I think I love this place!

We wandered around, drinking beer, swapping stories, smoking cigars, and just having a blast. When we strolled into Rick's Cafe there was a man on stage with an acoustic guitar, and I headed straight for him. I negotiated my way on stage, but he would not let me play his guitar (he said it was a $9k instrument, so I don't blame him). I settled for singing while he played Jimmy Buffets Margaritaville, a classic favorite of my friends. When I was done he pointed out the live webcam feed and some viewers online were leaving flattering messages about my singing. Felt pretty good.

There we met a local named Andy. He was born in Key West, covered in hair and full of stories. He was a ladies’ man who told us about his most recent wife while hitting on the bar tender. What a guy.


We had a fantastic dinner out on the deck at Fogerty's. I had the freshest grouper I have ever tasted (ok, it was the first taste of grouper, but it was fresh!) and Chris insisted we try the key lime pie. That's good pie!

Later we stumbled into the Lazy Gecko where people were watching hockey and another guy was playing guitar. Almost immediately my friends informed him that I play guitar, and it was not long before I was on the stool in front of the mic. Someone shouted a request for House of the Rising Sun, so I started playing Margaritavile. At the end of a long day of drinking I could not remember anything else, so that was the end of my brief career as a performer in Key West.

The next morning we got a tip for a great little place to have breakfast. It was a little shack that had been around since the turn of the century, and yes, I bet all 50 presidents had breakfast there. The decor was eclectic, the food greasy spoon, and it was fantastic! We had mimosas to go with our omelets and corned beef hash.
After breakfast we hit the southernmost point of the continental U.S. for a photo op, did some shopping, and hit the road back home. What a great time.

Our begrudging departure from the Key's next...