Kids say the darndest things

An update to an earlier post about funny things my daughter has said or done.

-I had shaved my face completely clean for the first time in years, possibly the first time since Emily was born. I asked her if she noticed something different about daddy as I stroked my naked chin. "Your whiskers are missing!" The next morning as I lifted her into momma's truck to go to grandmas for the day (I was off work and in my pj's, just a pair of shorts) she pointed to my underarm and excitedly says, "Daddy! Your whiskers are back!"

-We were at a graduation open house and some kids were hitting whiffle balls off a tee. Emily of course wanted a turn and was doing well. I nervously watched on as other kids swung bats, figuring for sure that Emily was about to get cracked in the head. The little boy of some friends of ours, around 5 years old, came to give her a new ball to hit. "No thanks..." said Emily, "I already have one..." and without warning and before I could react she took a big swing at the ball on the tee, connecting perfectly with the little boys forehead. As the boy held his head and cried he asked, "Why did she do that?"

-Emily had backed into the dry sink in the dinning room, smacking her head in the process. I asked her if she cracked her head. "Nope..." she said, "My heads not cracked..."

From the mouths of babes

Things that come from the mind of a child are often hilarious. Here are a few I can think of that came from Emily, who recently turned three.

-When being told by her mother that she has a cold just like her sister, Emily replied, "No, I have a cold, but Hailey has a warm..."

-When digging through a bag of tools and parts used to assemble a swing she found various tools like wrenches, nuts, and something else. When I asked her what that round thing was she said, "Its a dryer." I stopped to think for a second, then realized, it was a washer...

-At dinner I had a chili pepper that I did not plan to eat. In the interest of seeing me clean my plate Emily asked what that thing was, and whether or not I was going to eat it. I told her it was a chili pepper, and was too spicy to eat. She crossed her arms around herself and said, "Brrrr". Momentarily confused, I realized she thought I meant that the pepper was cold.

-Emily had been struggling with a cough, sore throat, runny nose type cold. One day she walks up to me and very seriously says, "Daddy, I have a very bad feeling..." Oh no, I said, wondering where this was going. "Yeah, and its right here..." she said, pointing to her sore throat.

-The day we brought Hailey home from the hospital Emily was ablaze with excitement. She whisked through the house and beamed when someone suggested she give her baby sister a tour of the house. Emily looked up at momma, who was holding Hailey, as if to say "Put her down so I can show her around". Then she asks, "Can she walk?" Momma had to explain that Hailey was just a little baby, but if Emily lead the tour momma would take her baby sister around to show her the house.

-In the bathtub one day Emily was happily playing with her toys when all of a sudden she stops, gets a devilish grin on her face, then farts. Bubbles role to the surface and she giggled and proudly exclaimed, "I made bubbles!" Good child, as long as it was just bubbles...

-Emily met me at the door when I arrived home from work one day. "Hello daddy!" She said. "Come on in, come meet my friend mommy!" Thanks, but we've met...

-Some friends of ours visited with their kids. Emily and the other little girl hit it off right away. Poor little Gabe was out numbered and tried to hang with the all girls club with mixed results. After he started to play with Emily's sacred stuffed dog named Buddy, Emily went to Gabe's dad and very seriously asked if they could take Gabe home but leave his sister to play.

-Grandpa had been teaching Emily to catch by telling her to "keep your eye on the ball." She grabbed a ball, cocked her arm back, then said "put my eye on the ball" while literally putting the ball on her eye

-When asked what she thought of her new baby sister Emily thought for a moment, then replied "She cries alot..."

-After we carved a pumpkin I put a candle in it and turned the lights out. I asked Emily if she thought the pumpkin looked scary. She said, "He's not scary..." As if to prove it she followed that with, "...and I'm gonna pet him!"

-One day Em and I were looking through pics and I said, isn't momma pretty? She says "momma is old...and pretty" I promplty fell on the floor laughing

-After changing one of Emily's messy diapers she says to me, "there's poopies in there!" Oh yeah? "Yup. And toots too!"

-Emily was being silly so I said, "you're goofy..." She put her hands on her hips and indignantly replied, "I'm not Goofy! I'm just Emily!"

-We were eating dinner and Emily had Cheetos with her Sloppy Joe. Upon realizing that she was out, and seeing that momma had some on her plate, she turns and sticks her hand out and with attitude says, "Can I get one?"

-Sitting in the living room, Emily long since in bed, when Kristy gets hit with a huge sneeze. Suddenly we hear Emily's sweet little voice over the monitor, "Bless you momma!" Guess the living room is not as far from Em's room as we thought!

-Emily, can you find Humpty Dumpty on this page? *scans the book...''There's Humpt Umpty!''

-After suggesting to Emily that she push the train forward, she promptly replied, ''Fiveward!''